Just before the war with the Eskimos

Moved...

2007-02-01T01:51:00.000+05:30

So, you hate hypocrites now... Do you?

2006-11-10T20:32:00.000+05:30

Blah... Blah... Blah! Damn I've lost count the number of times I've heard this before. People proclaiming that they hate hypocrites. Alright. Alright. We get it. We all hate hypocrites. There now, happy? Shall we now go on with our lives?

Er... just one problem. Who's a hypocrite anyways? Ummm... ah, gotcha there, didnt I? Hypocrite is always someone or something that we are not. Isnt that right? We are always the holier than thou people. We can never bitch behind anyone's back now can we?

Oh no, no. We are just sharing things between friends. That's absolutely not the same as bitching. Bitching is hypocritical. And the similar ho-hum. I mean, every now and then how hard is it for some people to just wake up and realise how full of it they really are.

PS: No, this is not a rant. Just occurred to me how full of it, I really am. Thought this was a moment of epiphany that had to be shared.

PS #2: Ya... I know I had quit blogging and all. Life travels in circles you know. Feels good to be Freaky Chakra again! :)

A Farewell...

2006-07-07T20:17:00.000+05:30

Well, guys inspite of my best efforts I've realised I cannot give this present blog the kind of attention I used to. Life in a B-school is simply too demanding for blogaholics like me. So rather than watching something that has been SO close to me, die a silent ignored death... I've decided to give it a decent and honourable farewell.

I've opened a new blog - "A perfect day for bananafish", where I can post little titbits and nuggets from time-to-time just to satisfy my blogging itches. Please do visit it, but in all probability there will not those long, (supposedly) funny Freaky-kind of posts. So everyone, thanks a lot for having read this blog, and thanks for all the fish!

This is the end of the journey before the war with the eskimos.

See on the front!

An ode to the morning yawn

2006-07-03T14:25:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer: The following post is EXTREMELY lame, which came about due to a potent and heady combination of sleep-depravation and stupid transcreativity lectures!

Yawn, yawn -
O mighty wholesome morning yawn.
Chasing since nightfall
and following way after dawn.

You show us the way
to deal with another shitty day.
Boring lectures, obstinate pig-heads (etc) -
carrying us beyond them all the way.

A shaggy head and morning breath,
nasty as a pig's fragrant wealth.
Amidst the toxic swill of the piss-bowl,
you block the fumes and save our health.

Then a hot chic comes along
but she ran away because your breath is too strong.
O morning yawn, protector of my fidelity
I hope you stay with me today, tomorrow and for long

PS: If you feel the Freaky-Chakra standard has gone down, then feel blessed because I havent put up... "In the glory of the great onion fart I passed before bed". And I swear I actually wrote it :D

Today...

2006-07-01T04:32:00.000+05:30

... I found the perfect half-a-blade of grass. It was about half-an-inch long, green and smooth. I held it in my fingers and looked at it closely trying to imagine how best to enjoy it. Sitting on a grassy field, swinging tress, silence and a cool breeze.

Then I ate it.

It was tasteless, cold and completel placid. When I finally spat it out, I felt happy.

PS:
1. This was during a transcreativity theatre workshop we were having in the MICA field.
2. Yes I know Iam weird.
3. But I bet you'd never find a better piece of a half-a-blade of grass.

From MICA, Freaky's packing tale

2006-06-28T20:19:00.001+05:30

Firstly, I apologise to the poor souls who have the time and patience to read my blog for having left you all with a promise for a "final" post before I left Kolkata. Blame it on the lack of internet connectivity back home on the days just prior to my leaving and here at MICA on the days just after my arrival, that I've not been able to put up a decent post.

So excuse!

Right So now we can resume normal service. The only thing being that I dont have anything particular to write. That is sad you know, a MICAn saying that he's out of things to say. Damn!

And it is usual for me, on such occasions, to massage my narcissistic faculties and share some useless detail about my life. So today if you expected something new or creative just cuz Iam a MICAn now, hah! You're in for it pal. You're going to get nothing new or clever or witty or any such thing. Instead you'll just get a list of things that I forgot to pack on my way to MICA -

Notebooks - That's right, I did not have a single sheet of paper on me when I came here.
Pens
Soap dish
Soap (for washing clothes)
Shaving brush (though miraculously remembered the shaving cream)
Tie
Formal shirts (more than two)
Rope
Water-bottle (ya try drinking from a fountain ALL the time)
No music from my collection
No books from my collection
No collection of my creative writing.
No insect repellent (inspite of being warned a dozen times)
No waste basket
No cloth to keep for dusting purposes.

Damn it... Iam stopping now because Iam embarrased. Go screw!

Sorry...

2006-06-19T23:48:00.000+05:30

... have been too busy to put up a decent post. But there will be one FINAL post before I leave Kolkata on Thursday, so do look out for that!

Have a nice day.

And now...

2006-06-18T00:37:00.000+05:30

Music Lovers... this is your clarion call. The World Music Day is upon us, and for the occasion the La Atelier Orchestra, conducted by the maestro Abrahim Majumdar himself, shall be lining up an evening of a truly spectacular musical experience. All the lovers of Western Classical music, Rabindrasangeet and the suchlike (in Kolkata) are hereby invited to be in audience on the 21st june @ St. Paul's Cathedral by 6:30 PM.

See you there!

Of drug-abuse, sleaze and gross societal ignorance

2006-06-15T15:16:00.000+05:30

I had resisted any temptation from writing anything on the Mahajans all along. I mean it's bloody tempting. Just think about it, Uncle Mahajan pops bullets into Puppa Mahajan. Then little kiddo Mahajan a few days later decides to have one speedballs too many and ODs, while uncle Mahajan patronises kiddo Mahajan &... blah!

Too many Mahajans in there somewhere. Damn, screw them. This post is not about them. It's about something else. It's about how out of touch of reality everyone seems to be these days. The first time I noticed this was perhaps when the DPS-sex scandal first broke out. I mean there was such a hue and cry over it. The newschannels were all over it, suddenly schools were banning cellphones in the school-premises and parents were feeling uneasy about the "outings" their children were going out for. But mostly everyone dismissed it as an example of moral degeneration among the uber-rich bourgeoisie.

But hang on, did I miss something? I mean dont people know that hot-blooded adolescents in their late teens might have heard of such things as, I dont know - Physical intimacy? Let's face the facts, by the time most Indians (by Indians I primarily mean here the "educated in english medium schools" middle-class, which also behaves as the custodians of social morals & all things such) reach the age of 21, they've had some kind of a physical encounter.

Some are brazen about it, some candid & light-humoured about it... some deny it altogether. Even more so, the ones who've not had any such experience are usually that way not because they did not want to, it's usually because they were too scared or the right opportunity never came by. If you think about it like that, the DPS kids did not do anything really dramatic. I mean yes, I dont condone adolescent-intimacy... but I am practical enough to know there nothing much to be done about it. Teens are into experimentation and some of them are bound to get into shit like that.

But to create such a ruckus over it, frankly was a bit funny to me. I mean seriously grow up. If you want to see school kids "experimenting", take your eyes of the TV & look into your own backyard!

I had a similar feeling of deja vu when the whole kiddo Mahajan thingie popped on TV. I mean c'mon! He's the scion of a powerful political family. He has power, wealth and fame (especially after he lit his father's funeral pyre). What do you expect him to do when he's in a mood to relax and party... yoga and meditation? What's with the whole holier-than-thou halo that these people don?

Worse still people watch it on the news and shake their heads "ladka kharab ho gaya" (the boy is ruined) , in the safe & smug knowledge that their own kid would never do such a thing. Wake up! I mean do you know how easy it is to get hold of drugs? Nobody gives a shit when they declare India to be a major transit flash-point in the entire global drug-trade. But get one political kiddo to OD or one Fardeen Khan to be named n a drug scandal, and suddenly everyone's got an opinion on things.

I was in class 7 when boys around me first started experimenting with cigarettes. They were the more adventurous ones. By class 9, virtually everyone was doing it. If you were not doing it, then either you had to good in your studies or in sports. Because if you were like average in everything and didnt smoke or anything, you were just treated like scum. I personally know many idiots who just simply crumbled to such peer-pressure.

When I was growing up (Iam 21)... I didnt have cable tv till I was 9, surfed the net for the first time when I was 13, got a internet-enabled pc when I was 15, and didnt get a broadband till about a year ago. Think about it, the kids that are growing up now... TV, internet and the works - all served on a platter; they wont be as dumb as us. If we did smokes in class 7, think about the kind of stuff they'd be into by the time they are in class 10 (16 years).

Makes your mind boggle doesnt it?

But no, nobody will see the picture like it. People will keep watching Zee News doing a "sensational" story about a father who sacrificed his kids in a bid to become immortal or a woman who conspired with her lover to kill her husband. Throw in a few pregnancies, passion-crimes, hints of incest and wallah! You've got the nation hooked.

Hooked, until the next 'celebrity' scandal erupts on sex-sleaze or drug-abuse or some other such shit. Then they'd take a moment to go check on their kids... sleeping like darling little angels in their soft, smug beds; reassured... they'd come back and shake their heads at the TV!

Rakhi Sawant: She's finally made it! Yippie!

2006-06-11T21:15:00.000+05:30

Let me first start by saying that this is one of the hardest posts I've done in terms of the amount of time & labour I've wasted in trying to come up with good production details (read: pics) for my patient readers. I mean inspite of my best efforts to get a "decent" (read: where parts of the female anatomy & underwear are not suggestively revealed) picture of Rakhi Sawant to post here to honour the post that is dedicated to her daring exploits here in Bollywood. The results that I did get however could not have been put up here without coming across as a sleaze post. But dont worry. If you are a Rakhi Sawant fan and have raging hormones you shall not be disappointed. Perhaps you'd like to see this, or this or if you're still not short on time & bandwidth... this.

Note: Mind you these are links from 3 different sites, among the countless ones I tried. If anyone out there can give me the link to a decent Rakhi Sawant pic (for definition read above), I'd be more than happy to put it up. If for nothing else than for the sheer novelty value that it possesses!

Anyways, let us proceed now to the actual point of this post even though you'd be forgiven to think that it was the search of a decent Rakhi Sawant picture. No dear reader, I smile at your innocence. This post is about something far more profound. This post is about chronicling the rise of Rakhi Sawant and her heroic saga of finally making it to Freaky Chakra's blog in the form of a full-fledged post after a number of near misses!

The first time I 'noticed' her was in this remix video where she played a hot, spectacled secretary who has a thing for her boss & shakes her er... upper strategic anatomical assets to a rather good measure. Although technically I didn't have a blog back then, but you can take my word for it that if I did have one, I would've spent exactly 7 seconds (which is roughly about the amount of time I can focus my attention on any one thing) thinking - "Man, she's hot maybe I should write about her."

I mean she was not as revolting as the other female who acquired a national celebrity status by just brandishing her underwear. Gosh, it was like suddenly everyone in India woke up & said in an unanimous voice - "Wow! A thong! Oh jolly, let us quickly divide ourselves into two camps & start debating about whether exposing India to a whole new line of women's underwear is a good or a bad thing."

Nah, this female was not like that. She seemed to be hot. But I guess somewhere at the end of those 7 seconds I would've realised that the only reason I found her hot was because I have a stupid kink for those box-frame-bespectacled-intellctual-librarian types. And maybe this girl was just another airhead who could not even sprout proper english to save her life (which is not quite far from the truth though, as I later found out). So there you go Rakhi, sorry... you almost made it on your first attempt itself, but not quite!

The Second time, she came close again was when I read somehwere that she was -
a) starring in a movie called - "Hot Money" (no kidding! Talk about creative genius!)
b) it was to be directed/produced by her brother. (yes, you read it right!)
c) And... the USP of the film was that she was going to shake her upper strategic anatomical assets in a specially designed 'top' made from nothing else but 2000, Re 1 coins!

Wow! This had to be too good to be true. But the movie ran into trouble with the censor board (lousy idiots), and I thought that doing a post on the same would mean kind of resorting to "incest-induced-interest" in the blogosphere, one of the only remaining bastians of non-incestuous release for net-prowling Indians! So, pass!

The Third time, it was a report on a gossip column somewhere (yes, Iam sick & I read cheesy gossip columns for fun) that she stripped at some private party of some random powerful guy in Dubai or some other such Allah-land country. Damn this girl doesnt give up now, does she? Well Rakhi you've got to do better than that to be featured on Freaky's blog. Clue: try not to do what every other Bollywood starlet worth her bra-straps has been rumoured to do every sunday!

Then Angel brought to my notice a certain "dance-show" where she'd been hauled up for indecent exposure in public or some other such sissy-hypocritic-moral reason. So, trying to be fourth-time lucky, eh? Well not good enough even though she went on national television in a studio interview saying - "yeh sab to karna parta hai role ke liye...." (All this has to be done for roles). Casting-couch revelations are not as much fun anymore ever since Shakti Uncle's trip on viagra (damn, I missed it altogether!) and "item-girls" being pulled up for indecent exposure is an occupational hazard, not blogworthy material for Freaky's page. To be here... you need to do something extra special.

Think Kajol, Rakhi... Think Karan Johar... Think Arjun Singh and the suchlike! Man, I was just beginning to give up on this girl here. Then, bang! I saw the news today & smiled.

Rakhi Sawant had arrived! On her Fifth try...

I mean to attend Mika's birthday party is in itself a national humiliation from which a few have ever come out untainted. Mika (pronounced meek-a), for the ones who do not know him, has a claim to fame as being Daler-who-Mehndi's younger brother and be a namesake (of sorts) to a B-school of considerable repute of which Freaky will soon be a part of. Oh, and he also sings a few songs.

Anyway, back to Rakhi... she not only attended his party, she called him - "the sher of Punjab" (tiger of Punjab), threw her arms around him and gave him a peck on the cheek... all this on national television! Damn was this girl ever desperate or what? Well, poor Mika decided to check her mouth for bad-breath as he did not want reporters to run away after getting a whiff her stench as she was just starting to say nice things about him. I mean he was kinda enthusiastic to do so too since nobody ever says anything nice about him. I can understand his being keen to take precautions.

Anyways, his gesture of goodwill concerning her dental hygiene was not well appreciated and he was promptly charged with sexual abuse! DAMN! Imagine admitting sexual abuse from Mika! Oh the horror...

But Rakhi was not done yet. Leaving no stone unturned, she even had her "loving" brother endure a broken nose so that the blood-shood would give her extra mileage to be on Freaky's blog! God, having since endured her "tragic story" for 4 hours on the cutting-edge coverage of our great and responsible news-media channels... I finally decided to give her, her due spot!

So, here's to Rakhi... on her 1st entry on Freaky's blog, proving to the world for once and for all that you can do great things in life even if you have a shitty, hopeless name like rakhi to live with.

Pity I couldnt post her picture. My offer to do so as soon as someone provides me a link, still stands!

Had nothing to write...

2006-06-07T20:48:00.000+05:30

... decided to come up with a random observations from my day, today.

# Woke up exactly at noon, a feat which inspite of coming really close on many occasions, I've never actually managed to hit bang on before. However the credibility of the same is slightly dubious since the 6 different clocks in my house show a different time each.

# Noticed that the Kurkure-sticks have become quite thin as compared to when they first came out.

# Heard a maroo friend, a nice good fellow otherwise, speaking to his cousin sister. God, why do they have such repressed sexual frustrations that it becomes extremely explicit that they are actually shamelessly flirting with each other in the name of "teasing" each other.

Didn't argue with him too much, though kinda felt weird about it for a rather long time.

# Jason, a tall stud of a guy who used to work at Pizza Hut (camac street), wasn't there anymore. Not that Iam into noticing guys, but he was quite handsome by the standards of the average Indian male... besides Angel's drooling wasn't too hard to notice. Anyways he's gone... felt strange, I mean he'd been there ever since I started going to Pizza Hut.

# Realised that REM have some the most funky names for their songs!

# Suddenly found all the Star channels missing from TV, the whole cable vs channels war here is just getting on my nerves now!

# Also saw what The Girl who sold the Universe looks like today. Have always wondered what 17-year olds with such witty motor-mouths look like.

# Called up MICA, they asked me to postpone my arrival from the 2oth to 24th. Now I wonder wherefrom shall I get the damn tickets in time. (clue: me is poor, me cant take a flight)

# Couldnt figure out what the eternal fascination of Indians with incest is. 75% of the stories posted by Indians on Literotica are on incest. We are one hell of a frustrated country!

# Lenovo 3000 C series - 0761D9A... most likely to be my new laptop. Yippie!

# Shristi left town today. A nice, friendly girl. Wanted to see Piku & her today at college... but had a fight with Angel & everything got messed up.

# Ma's agreed to buy me a new guitar. Let's see most likely date for it would be day after tomorrow. After which the present one (with cracks big enough to make cockraoches fear for their modesty) would be chucked straight into the garbage bin!

# Also saw today that a Che Guevera film festival is coming up at Seagull. Let's see, might turn up there to catch a screening of the Motorcycle Diaries.

In essence, I realise I could've done a proper post on any of these things (including the many which I havent up here), but somehow am not quite feeling that Iam up for it.

Feeling all sober & numb!

From Bihar: pleasantly surprised!

2006-06-05T00:38:00.000+05:30

Patwatoli, a small village in Bihar has sent 48 students to the IITs in the last 14 years, with four getting in this year itself! A little known fact is that Bihar produces the most number of IAS officers in this country. For a land that is more popular for ruffians, kidnappings, Laloo & general chaos... it's not really a bad feat. But coming back to this little dalit village, efforts of a whole community are being geared to the task of churning out top-notch engineers. The seniors try and help out the prospective students and the latter on their part keep working harder and harder oblivious to obstacles like frequent power-cuts and suchlike.

Was really heartening to know that stuff like this keeps happening in this country, away from the eyes of people & politicians. Felt really excited and really happy after a long time!

Read the story here at CNN-IBN

PS: Would also like to appreciate the good work done by CNN-IBN to bring stories like this to the forefront rather than those "sensational wife cheating on husband"-passion crimes flashed by the likes of Zee News and Star News, etc!

Honk... Honk... grrrrr... Honk!

2006-06-02T22:00:00.000+05:30

Of all the annoying habits that have carefully been institutionalised in the people of this great country, the one that never ceases to bug the hell out of me is.... er, (read the title again)

Picture this, you and your girlfriend (or boyfriend or whatever) are walking down a peaceful lane, there's a soft drizzle going... a cool breeze flowing... and you feel the romantic rushes in your veins... you try & say something really mushy...

Freaky: You know what?
Angel: (snuggling closer on Freaky's hand & with a knowing mushy look) Tell me...
Freaky: You are the.... HONK!!!

What the!

Some guy was taking his car out of his garage and this other goof was honking the shit out of his car! I mean like what's the point. You have to wait till the person can get his car out and drive away. It's not that as soon as the other person hears your horn blaring, he will instantly reach down on his dashboard & press the red-button which makes his car vaporise till you can pass on by.

I can understand people honking before the days of FM radio. I mean you literally had nothing to do while waiting in the traffic jams. But now in addition to these radio stations, you also have the novel initiatives of the traffic departments which actually let you know how long you have to wait before the lights turn green.

You can also brush up your counting skills - 20...19...18... I mean dont get me wrong but it's a shrewd move to encourage literacy in a country where most people dont know how to count basic numbers! Maybe next they should put up ways to cure recurring inflammation in the conjugal nerve-centres in the co-axial vertebrae & then the next thing you know... wham! You dont need reservations in medical colleges to uplift the backward classes!

But I feel this habit of honking is much deeper than a simple reflexive action as a response to boredom & inactivity. See we Indians are tough SOBs. We love power & we love shoving it in the face of someone else. I mean from the nameless balding impotent clerk who never got decently laid in his life to the big politicos and other impotent guys who get laid all the time... everyone loves power. And what better way to show it off. I mean all you have to do is reach down and press the horn, suddenly everyone within a 30-yard radius know you exist on the planet. Good plan dipshit!

The problem is when everyone else in that 30-yard radius starts honking too, it not only takes away that sense of great individuality & power associated with it... it also creates a lot of noise! Cacophony which can upset a mushy couple out to enjoy a walk in the rain!

Sigh...

With a little help from friends...

2006-06-01T07:41:00.000+05:30

Stay-over at Frodo's place.
Playing bridge under the stars.
Ghentu's horsing around on the guitar.
Ritwik's hyperactive thingie on hearing Stairway to Heaven,
Playstation.
Vodka & Kurkure.
Marx & Mozart, back and forth... again.
Breakfast on pipping hot kachori & jalebis from the roadside stall...

... and to think, only another 19 days to go!

Die bitch die...

2006-05-29T16:34:00.000+05:30

I hate her... I hate her... I hate her. She sucks. She cant act. She isn't articulate or sophsticated. She's sloppy and she's loud. And now, she's BACK!!

Seriously I thought they gave her the Filmfare awards for Best Actress after Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham because she had promised she'd never return to haunt Bollywood again. That was the year I was officially disillusioned from Bollywood, & stopped watching award ceremonies & suchlike (I was an absolute junkie before that). The only saving grace was that she was quitting Bollywood to settle-vettle and have a family-shamily. But all that is now history.

I'd gladly do Kareena Kapoor's pet dog's poo anyday of the week than go watch a Kajol movie. She cant act, has the same facial expressions in every film... same diction and same uh.... loud-punjabi-chic-i-dont-care-for-makeup-shit attitude!

That plain sucks. Dont know where to start with her... the shameless marketing of the shahrukh-kajol "the-last-time" gimmick for a crapfest of a movie & then even more shamelessly walking away with the Filmfare award; or the appearing on national television on buddy Karan Johar's mispelt Coffee show to ruin all his attempts at a dignified interview with her loud guffaws & oo-iam-so-above-hypocrisy-&-pretension-put-ons persona.

Yes bitch we get it. We get it you are not like other actresses (except maybe amisha, kareena, bipasha) who have a little something called "tact" which you dismiss as hypocrisy! We get it you are dumb and do not care for make-up. In fact the stories of how she gives makeup artists a pain in the ass are legendary & she'll proudly share it with you over a loud cup of tea, lassi-shassi & roti & chicken boti!

But am I missing the point? What's there to be proud of? Bitch you are working in a commercial masala movie where the most you have to do is look good. If you cant do the the one thing you are supposed to do - which incidentally you wont do yourself & have a Rs 150 per hour artist to do it for you, who by the way hasnt had anything to eat since morning (because you reached the set 4 hrs late idiot). And now the poor fellow has to put up with your tantrums about how you dont care about makeup & get pissed upon by the director/producer who'll scream their ass off claiming he was not doing his job effectively.

God! If I was the makeup man... I would have shoved the powder puff up her giant ass (dwarfed only by one Mandira Bedi) so she could fart talcum & foundation all her life!

PS: This post is a direct result of my mother's gentle query whether I would be kind enough to take her to watch Fanaa. Any statements therefore conveyed in this post which may have hurt/changed the way you thought about your on-screen goddess, is deeply regretted & blamed squarely upon my mother's shoulders.

Iam sorry Kajol-lovers, this post wasnt meant for idiots like you!

PS#2: A must-read for all your caffiene needs

X-Men & Da Vinci Code: A Double Movie Review!

2006-05-26T22:45:00.000+05:30

Ok, I promise. After this there wont be movie-reviews for a long time. Frankly thought about posting one of the stories here, but then shelved it. Anyways, today was an eventful day. Saw two exteremely hyped movies. Had my cents to share, so without much ado here it is!

PS: Spoilers ahead. Just scroll down to the Da Vinci Code review... there is nothin much to spoil there.

X-MEN : The Last Stand**

Iam a sort of moderate X-Men fan. Moderate because I havent read a lot of X-Men comics, but two of my closest friends are junkies for the series. It was largely their enthusiasm which swept me to go see the movie, 1st day... 1st show.

The first two movies... well, frankly had not stood out for me. A lot of characters were missing. Storylines were slightly weak (especially the first movie) and it had the typical Hollywood treatment, where the true essence of the comic strip was often lost.

Not now. Maaaan! This was THE real thing. In my opinion, it was the best superhero movie ever! Has a very tight script, which takes off right from the last movie where Jean Grey is lost in the flood after the dam broke. (if u havent watched the previous movie... it's ok, nothing much to relate to there)... she is rediscovered, and just as in the comics the darker side of her psyche's tremendous powers are revealed. The Phoenix Force!

The special effects are seen to be believed. The Phoenix Force is just SO... SO powerful, man it just blows your mind off! Anyhow, the story goes that a new "cure" for the mutant phenomenon is discovered, owing largely to the abilities of a rather strong mutant kid who's power is basically that he can suppress the mutant gene in other mutants around him! Or rather... he can cure mutants.

I wont give away much of the plot. But the action sequences are brilliant. Acting is top-notch except for the kid who plays Iceman. He constantly looks constipated. And the whole iceman-rogue-shadowcat triangle seems a little jarring with the flow of the movie.

The movie also shows us some of the more incredible powers of the X-Men, in effect upholding the essence of the comics rather than hollywoodising the whole deal! There is a sequence where Magneto rips a whole bridge and transports it across the river. Some people might say that's too much, but comic-lovers would instantly relate to that. Magneto has powers which can rip apart cities!

The bringing in of characers which are the core of the series like - the Beast, Angel, Juggernaut, etc. Also a lot of interesting characters are brought in. They all have their bits to do, makes for a very interesting watch.

Freaky-Chakra's Rating: 8.5 out of 10

Highlight of the Movie: The last sequence, where Wolverine is the only one who can step up to the massive Phoenix Force amidst the destruction. It's brilliant! Just makes you wanna go & grow claws! Argggh...

THE DA VINCE CODE

Ever watched a movie which you felt that was not going to stand up to expectations... then as the film ends, credits roll & you step out of the theatre, you start absorbing it in totality and realise just how BIG the movie is. You realise how wrong your initial modest expectations from the movie were. You realise that this movie was such a colossal piece of crap that "feeling let down" is not the point of contention... it's whether you can retain your sanity thereafter!

I mean I havent read the novel. And if it is anything like the shoddy shitfest the movie is, then my decision not to read it stands vindicated. I mean dont get me wrong, even in this massacre of an adaptation I could figure out what was essentially a very racy, compact and thrilling historical mystery.

But let me assure if that is what you go looking for in the movie... you shall not feel any of the mentioned things... not once during the whole movie. How someone like Ron Howard manages to make a movie that has such a potentially strong thrilling script, into one which during its entire length never - AND I MEAN NEVER - thrills.

It just goes on and on and on like a drab Doordarshan broadcast you are forced to watch when the cable tv connection is down. Tom Hanks, great actor... does absolutely nothing in the movie. Why he chose such a poorly scripted film? I can only guess, he has too much money already.

All the other actors in the film are equally confused and ineffective. Cannot really fault them much, because quite simply the script does not bring out any kind of characterisation for them to feed off. The whole movie is just a chronicle of the events that take place in the novel... no character development, no nothing.

And just precisely why does a kind of vision thingie regarding planets & solar-system comes to Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) when he cracks the code, is still something I cant guess. I understand the whole Newton logic which he explains later, and maybe there is some more sound analogy in the novel... but the shitty, forced use of effects here just has to seen to be believed.

But dont take the "seen to be believed" seriously. You can easily pass this one & then later smirk at your friends and say - "Haha, suckers!'.

Freaky Chakra Rating: N.A.
Highpoint of the Movie: Go ask Ron Howard!

On a high!

2006-05-25T01:23:00.000+05:30

1. Got an email from a female called Satrupa.
2. She asked me to check a website called www.oxfordbookstore.com
3. There they had the results of a short-story contest called the E-Author 4.0
4. The three winners of the contest were called Joan Pinto, Madhulika Liddle & Uma Girish.
5. Scrolling down, there were the names of 5 others, who were a part of the original shortlist of 8 from which the 3 winners were picked...

... among them were the entries of a person called ravikant kisana!*

6.... Am pretty ecstatic!

PS: *that would be me, in case you didnt realise already! Anyways, do read the stories if you can! :)

Lesson of the day...

2006-05-24T00:16:00.000+05:30

... dont ever call a bloody idiot - "a bloody idiot", because then the bloody idiot will act like a bloody idiot and call you a bloody idiot.

Go figure!

Lord of the Rings: Movie Vs the Book

2006-05-22T11:48:00.000+05:30

VS
Well, something wonderful happened during my recent trip to Punjab. Something I've been waiting to write about ever since. It was at the wheelers on howrah station, where I went to buy the usual Outlook kinda magazines and suchlike, when suddenly my eyes fell on a fat book sitting next to one by Sidney Sheldon. I promptly rescued JRR Tolkien from this indignity.

Ever since I've been consumed by the Book. Finished it in a week (i know that's not a great feat, but I have a proven track-record to not finish books over 500 pages). Now, I had seen the LOTR movies and was not exactly bowled over as I should've been. I always intended to compare the two, now that I've finally read LOTR (and feel like an authority on it, just like everyone else does after reading it the first time).
So without further ado...

# Where the hell was Tom Bombadil?

# Wherefrom did the company of elves come to aid the seige at Helm's Deep?

# Why was Helm's Deep made into a Battle of Thermopylae kinda situation.

# Deneathor, the steward of Gondor, a character so proud & strong that Gandalf respected him & Sauron had to trick to get into his mind... a complete caricature in the movie. Why Gandalf even strikes Deneathor with his staff! What the...!

# Where were the rest of the Dundain?

# Merry & Pippin. Again caricatures of their characters in the book.

# Eowyn & Theoden have a Hollywood-dialogue. Puhleeez!!

# Gimli, the dwarf was well aware of the fact that Balin's expedition to take the Mines of Moria had perhaps run into grave trouble. Yet in the movie Gimli was shown to be shocked by the very news!

# And the one I simply cannot get over. The last sequence in Return of the King, when Aragorn and company are standing on the gates of Mordor. A shadow passes over Aragorn, before he redeems himself by the now famous lines: "For Frodo...".

What the!! Aragorn was such a behemoth of strength that he'd be the last person who'd have such moments. He looked into the palantir and came out rather unscathed, something even Gandalf was not sure he could do! I mean why ruin characters like this, in the name of adding a little touch of drama!

But... but, having said that I will also say that the movie was one of the better adaptions I had seen. It stayed true to a lot of dialogues in the book... wonderful job was done while creating creatures such as the Orcs, Uraks... Gollum. I mean without having seen the movie I do not know I would've imagined Gollum!

In all, a decent effort. I understand efforts to roll something as huge as LOTR into a movie series, but why the hell would you tamper with the original story! I guess Hollywood cant resist that anyhow!

anti-reservations? No, Iam pro-"sitting my ass on the couch!"

2006-05-19T22:56:00.000+05:30

I've passed out of college, subject only to a few 30-odd mark exams I have to appear for next week. I've cracked CAT and managed to secure admission to the MICA admission programme. In two years time I should be on my way to high-profile career, wtf should I care what happens to the IIMs and IITs and suchlike from hereon in. All the people I know, for whom it will matter, I'll just look back with a twisted smile and say "Haha suckers! Bet you didnt see that coming! Good luck trying to get a decent degree now." I'll even hire a few OBC students from IIMs and IITs to rub it in.

But what I will NOT do is, grow a two-penny conscience and say damn! the reservations suck, politicians should be shot... blah-blah till someone asks me to come for that anti-reservations rally. Then I'd conviniently point out - "you know what, I'd love to. But I have exams you see."

No, I wont do that. I wont go to Orkut and call Arjun Singh names and discuss the "Rang de Basanti" formula as a possible way out. I wont have another debate on the subject.

I will instead, sit on my couch and order a pizza home. Will watch a movie or some world-cup special programme (there is something on the subject on every channel), or download some more Queen songs.

But IF someone out there honestly wants to go out & toil in the field, then go confirm with this & drop me a mail. Will come.

The Essential Marwari Checklist

2006-05-17T15:48:00.000+05:30

Rich? Obnoxious? Perpetually horny? A personality that has come to be accepted the world over as the standard definition for hypocrisy? Well, in that case you might just be a Marwari!

I don't really want to sound communal or biased or whatever, but as this guy I once met (he was the boyfriend of this slutty girl - yes, I know a lot of them!) put it so eloquently - "... Iam not communal or anything, but I just cant help it of all the choots belong to the same community." And that is exactly how I feel.

See, when I say Maaru... I dont really mean people of one particular community. With them I also throw in the numbers of the UPites, the Gujjus and the Jains. Being the politically correct asshole that Iam, I will also add at this point (to prevent from gettin lynched) that I have many friends from these very communities. People, I've grown up with... People, I've loved all my life... People, who are really beyond the stereotype... People, who I definitely hope will read this & know that I cant stand them !! :P

There gotch! Iam not going to mince words. Yes I have Maaru friends, some really close... but that doesnt mean that they arnt assholes! So, without further ado... the Essential Maaru Checklist!

# You have the latest Nokia phone with stereophonic sound and etc, etc... complete with the "Dhoom Machale, Dhoom Machale... Dhoom" ringtone, which goes off atleast 10 times during movie screenings or restaurant outings.

# You are 8 years old and your paunch looks like a bloated hippo's underbelly.

# You have spiked hair

# You give your phone number to every idiot with a dick, yet you've never been kissed, never had an actual date or boyfriend. (No, having a converstaion with a guy for 5 mins while pretending you are speaking to some Payal or Radhika from you class, does not count)

# You go to girl-school fetes (not fests) even though you passed out of 2 years ago, and what's more you've even got your hair spiked specially for the occassion.

# You've never heard of Pink Floyd.

# Your hang-out spots are Forum and other such glitzy malls, where you do nothing except just walking around in a group (not even window-shopping, mind you) and hope that someone will notice what a macho stud you are for having got that new brown streaks.

# Go to Pizza Hut and order Veggie Crunch (also, read: goin to KFC for a nice veg meal)

# You know all the names of the finalists of Indian Idol & Fame Gurukul and all other such crapfests.

# You think saas-bahu soaps are a passe, so now you watch Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin!

# You have paan-stained teeth before your 18th birthday.

# All the middle-aged women in your family have HUGE fat-asses!

... ... Well, I could go on forever. But chances are that if you've endured for so long, you'd probably have a good idea whether or not you are a Maaru. If you are not, good. Didn't think you would be (you'd be too busy otherwise downloading Hrithik Roshan's picture than botehr reading blogs).

But if you are one... well, take a clue stay away from me!

Are you a virgin?

2006-05-15T00:33:00.000+05:30

Crude as is the question (there are better ways to phrase it I mean), why is it that every guy you ask this has done it while no girl has ever been "touched". I mean seriously average Indians cannot be losing their virginity by the age of 20 with one half of the population not indulging in it. What? Do I see the "gay lobby" smirking? Shut up you idiots, this isnt about you... where are you guys anyways? Go find a closet or something.

Well, you see its the hypocrisy that gets to me. I know most people who read or comment on this blog will be like "lol man, I am not like that"... but the sorry part is that we all are. I mean I've done it, bragging I mean, at some point of time. And a little bit of tittle-tattle & horsin around with facts is ok and I guess even acceptable if you think about it.

But then every now and then I see a girl, who is an absolute slut... (the kinds you just have to look and smile to get them out of their panties) ... and who claims she's never done "it".

Freaky-Chakra: Why the fuck are you kidding me? You know "hands-off, I dont wanna talk about it" is better than saying you are a virgin.

Slutty Bitch: (laughing) oh no, no. I know what you mean. Believe me, if I had done anything I would've told you. I mean why'd I lie about it. It's perfectly normal and cool. But honestly, there is nothing to tell.

Freaky-Chakra: Go and choke! (ok I didnt say that, but I wish I had).

See the problem is both ways. If you are open and assertive of your sexuality, then you get branded as an "easy person" and all sorts of unwanted complications emerge. Right from Marwari idiots calling from PCOs to sly neighbourhood aunts. I completely empathise with women who have had to face such problems only because they were not hypocrites.

But for guys, I just dont ever get it. For example, this guy whom we shall call dickhead (for obvious reasons) who used to keep telling me about how he rammed this girl & that girl. When actually came in his pants even before he can take them off when he finally gets that coy, innocent girl in bed. (he confessed in a moment of absolute vulnerability induced by excessive consumption of alcohol).

What's the point of bragging. If you've bonked a girl, good for you. If you havent, claiming to have done so wont make you a stud. I personally like it when people keep silence on the subject in front of people they should, rather than claiming to be virgins (read slutty girls) or not (dickhead guys). And that's how it should be!

PS: Wanted to write something about the anti-reservation protests, but felt too disheartened and "out of it" to do so. While brooding on the subject I remembered the conversation with slutty chic. So just out of spite for her (and for people like her), this is here.

Gangster: A movie review

2006-05-13T00:41:00.000+05:30

Well, I had something else planned for this post but then Angel and I, went on a whim to watch movie called "Gangster: A story of love". It turned out to be a very educative experience. I mean did you know...

# did you know... It's ok to walk, drive, ride a motorboat and sit in the middle of a flowing stream all the while clutching a bottle of alcohol in Seoul, South Korea.

# did you know... if a movie does not have a 'title-song' then the title of the movie must be repeated every two sentences lest the audiences get confused and start wondering which movie they are watching!

# did you know...Emraan Hashmi plays the guitar in all his films on some pretext or the other, but being the macho, ball-chomping badass he is, he can do it without ever holding a proper chord! Beat that Hendrix!

# did you know... The leading lady, Kangana's thin, bony ass has ridden the manhood of the entire Bhatt family. I mean why else would you cast a woman who cant speak, cant act, cant emote, scares the audience when she laughs (no kidding here, I was honestly scared) and has a bump on her lips!

# did you know... patching the narrative as a flashback in the flashback, which in itself if the flashback for the flashback, makes for a "good" movie.

# did you know... you can just walk into the Indian embassy in Seoul. Yes, you heard it right. WALK in.

# (the big daddy of them all)... did you know, the gangster's wife who betrays him to the police and then collapses on her knees in guilt, is just left sitting there. All the cars go away. All the police goes away. No one even interrogates her. Or takes her into custody or whatever.

Wow! If only Monica Bedi had known that.

The sad part is that one of the reasons why I went for the film was that it was rated good everywhere - Taran Adarsh, India Today, Outlook, my girlfriend's sister... and well, although it was better than most crapfests that we see being passed off in the name of cinema, it was only 'marginally' better!

I mean people have SO become used to watching bad movies that even halfway decent shitpots seem "good" to us. That is very sad.

After the movie, angel and I ran into this cute chic from my dept in the univ.

College Chic: "I thought the girl was good"

Freaky-Chakra: "Huh"

College Chic: "Her eyes were very expressive"

And to think she reviews films for the Etc, Kolkata. God, I hope this was not an assignment!

The Great Khali...

2006-05-11T12:37:00.000+05:30

... is a new wrestler to join the ranks of the WWE - Smackdown superstars. He is supposedly from India. This is what WWE has to say about him -

The Great Khali’s intimidating frame has caught the attention of everyone. Hailing from India, The Great Khali stands at an impressive 7 foot 3 and weighs 420 pounds. The Great Khali has walked the jungles of India unafraid of pythons and wrestled White Bengal tigers. Daivari claims that The Great Khali has “stared into the abyss and the earth trembled at his gaze.”

Firstly, I don't know what the hell a "white bengal tiger" is.

And secondly, I don't know of too many jungles in India. There are already too naxalites and dacoits there for 7 foot 3 monsters to walk about fearless of pythons and all.

India of Maharaja's and elephants kicks ass, India of software parks and space research is just too lame.

Suspended animation...

2006-04-18T22:22:00.000+05:30

... is the state this blog shall be left to exist in for till the 10th of may, 2006.

I've not been able to post regularly lately, and that's basically a result of being very preoccupied with all the complications of my university thingie. I leave town to go be in Punjab shortly for the marraige of my first-cousin.

So pliss excuse me while I go on a short break and a nice little holiday.

In the meanwhile, have fun and have safe sex :P And do check back on the 10th!!

Update:
Well, Iam back... sort of! Am typing this out in Chandigarh and will not reach home before the 11th morning. So that's still another two days till my next post!

But I promised I'll be back on the 10th. Presto, look Iam a few minutes early ;)

Newsflash: Govt of India is recruiting!

2006-04-14T23:33:00.000+05:30

The Government of India has initiated a new recruitment policy for it's mid-level clerical positions in all departments that fall under its purview - educational institutions, PSUs, telephone offices, state electricity commissions, airport authorities, & everything else you can possibly imagine - because here in India, we, the Government own EVERYTHING!!

And the few sectors that are beyond our direct control, we try our best to sabotage them through parochial policies such as caste-based reservations and by recruiting officers who raise red-tapism and corruption to the level of a well-practised art.

However, some son of a high post bureaucrat, who got into the IAS through the SC quota despite having a 135-acre landed property holdings in rural UP, came up with a brilliant plan to lure "the right kind" of people for Government jobs in the afore-mentioned categories. The Bureaucracy Perpetuation Unit (BPU) of the Government of India shall now be using the blogosphere to advertise for its vacancies. The bloggers who sign up under this scheme (like Freaky Chakra) will be given a post and as a bonus for every 5 new recruits he/she can bring in, will be given rights to take all bribes without any "upper-authority-cuts" for 6 months.

Since we have already ruined the careers of such people through our existing bureaucratic setup, getting them on board wont be a problem as they dont have any more options!

So without any further ado, the pre-requisites for recruitment - (if you have fulfil the following, contact us at screwed.for.life@govtofindia.co.in)

# You must be sexually repressed.

You must be really, really frustrated. ALL the time. We suggest you refrain from any kind of "solitary-sex" that you might be indulging in every 3 hours (since it is highly unlikely that you have an 'actual' sex-life because you applied for this job). You shall find that thsi will help you be uncharacteristically nasty and just plain disgusted at the sight of anybody who wants to get some simple jobe done.

# You must never have heard of phrases such as - 'the buck stops here', 'taking responsibility', etc

We suggest you consider this whole thing as a video-game, where your purpose is to shirk as much work as possible to someone else, while everyone else tries to do the same. You lose when you actually cannot shirk anymore and HAVE to actually do some work.

# Must have a penchant for conviniently misplacing things

Particularly important for the ones working in sensitive departments of the judiciary and the like.

# For Women - You must be UGLY and old!!

This is another noble initiative of the BPU, everywhere these days beautiful girls are glorified and required - Air-hostess, receptionist, etc. Here at the Govenment of India we actively encourage the recruitment of married, ugly, middle-aged, fat women. It serves two purposes -

1. Having a woman, no matter how ugly prevents a restless, unruly queue from raining expletives.
2. Ugly women keep the men in the office more sexually frustrated.

# You must not have a command over English and must be devoid of any kind of social grace & manners

Screw the BPOs, they are a corrupting influence. Who says you need to have a decent english and social manners to make lakhs in life. Try the Government of India, you can earn lakhs and can do so by remaining the foul-mouthed son of a bitch you already are.

# You must NOT have any kind of computer operating abilities.

Comes in handy to refuse service everytime a screen-saver comes up and a technician must be called to "solve" the problem.

# You must actively encourage your kids to take up Government service in the future, and thus keep the efficiency of this great nation down!

All benefits incurred from the Government service shall cease once the incumbant retires. So in order to prevent your future generations from slogging it out like the rest of those normal-citizen-mortals, get them a post of their own! That way they can also learn from your fine bureaucratic legacy.

As the son of the high-post IAS officer pointed out, most of these traits are very common amongst bloggers. So this new scheme of recruitment. If you have any doubt and queries... save it. Chances are if you can think of any, you are over-qualified for the job.

Thank you for your valuable time. Help us make this nation a truly great one, for the politicians, the bureaucrats and their kin.

Jai-Hind!

In the Aftermath...

2006-04-14T00:24:00.000+05:30

"The weak have no place in this life or in any other life. Weakness leads to slavery. Weakness leads to all kinds of misery, physical and mental. Weakness is death. There are hundreds of thousands of microbes surrounding us, but they cannot harm us unless we become weak, until the body is ready and predisposed to recieve them...

...This is the great fact: strength is life, weakness is death. Strength is felicity, life eternal, immortal; weakness is constant strain and misery..."

- Swami Vivekanada

(Delivered at: Los Angeles, California

4th January, 1900)

Freaky Chakra's Personality Test:

2006-04-11T00:27:00.000+05:30

The last couple of posts were quite heavy & all... so, decided to have some fun with this one :)

Well, here is a test designed by many qualified idiots who could not get around to study anything meaningful aka psychologists. Here is a picture of Freaky Chakra and Angel... look carefully at the picture for twenty-seven nanoseconds and if you still have your interest-levels intact, proceed further. Otherwise, stop. Repeat. Till interest levels permit proceeding further.

Good, now that you've already proceeded further, so we know atleast one thing for sure that you sure have a hell lot of time on your hands. Thus we can safely rule out the possibility of you being Manmohan Singh, because it is part of his job-profile to be busy all the time. Not really work as such, but be busy all the time.

I know it is kind of disappointing to know that you are not the Prime-minister of India. Iam heart-broken too at this point everytime I take this test! But guess what, cheer up... there are is an entire list of things of what you could be! So, without further ado... read on & see what matches with your thoughts on seeing the picture!

The beer-on-the-couch-all-day guy:
Simple. The man in the background farted a rather nasty one. The girl cant take it & so he, immune to nasty smells (through his own toxic brand of farts!!), be trying to help her getting through it...

The Feminist:
The girl has suddenly realised that through the ages males have oppressed women and have absolutely disregarded their contribution by always being chauvinist pigs and something to the effect... meanwhile the guy is wondering whether he should attempt to steal another glance over to check out the exposed cleavage of the girl on the next table!

The chronic hindi soap viewer
Angel's just told me that she is pregnant, and Iam shocked meanwhile the man in the background is our "enemy" who has "overheard" our conversation. He is now waiting for the camera to swing to a close-up of his face so that he can smirk and his voiceover can state what heinous plot he is cooking.

The "intellectual":
There are certain plants/leaves in the background which reflect that both these characters in the foreground are reckless, wild and impulsive, while the faint hint of a building like structure looming in the distance hints that their problems are basically about trying to fit their natural, impulsive instincts into the "conventions of a regimented lifestyle".

It's very European, the style... pretty easy to figure if you "know" what you are talking about!

The Indian politician:

Making democracy function, the guy is passing a bribe "under the table

The Jihadi:
America and Israel are responsible for the this woman's sorrow... come, let's blow up another car and get back at them!

Arjun Singh lobbyist:
And that is why we are providing OBC reservations so that daughters of wealthy OBC seths like this do not get upset at not being able to make some decent shit from their miserable silver-spoon lives after 21 years of reservations!

The marwari MCP idiot:

Abey, she was makings the so much noise so I slaps her. What yaar I have so much money I will get the new girlfriend!"

The Beatles fan:

"It's real love... it's real.

Yes, it's real love..."

The Phoney-Beatles fan:

"While my guitar gently weeps..." (one song, all occasions!)

The Bollywood movie freak:

Saala, Sanjay Gupta is a genius! (reference: Kaante, Zinda)

Baba Ramdev loyalist:

My "Pranayam" yoga cures everythng from cancer to bad farts... see the man in the background is practising my special breathing techniques and is blissfully happy! (For more information ask CPI(M) and Brinda Karat).

Medha Patkar:

Iam going colour-blind now... what how long has my hunger-strike been going on?

Tushar Kapoor:

Hah! One guy Iam more handsome than!

The anxious blogger:

Will this post get more than 10 comment?

The not-so-anxious blogger:

Will this post get more than 12 comments?

The X-rated pervert (courtsey: shristi-lover, Ghentu Khan & Frodo - langa buddies of Freaky Chakra)

Basically to the effect too much pleasure is bad for health!

The Presidency student:

Ayi, the guy molested the girl... let's organise a protest dharna against this gross injustice & demand the resignation of the prinicpal!!

The JU student:

Damn the Moni-da Canteen... so many mosquitoes!

The Loretto student:

Alert the nuns... alert the nuns, a guy!! Here we make love only among girls!

There! Hope you enjoyed this and in the process got to know yourself a little better :) Always glad to help out!

& now, the Other Backward Classes

2006-04-07T23:44:00.000+05:30

I mean everyone already agrees that politics and the bureaucracy is a bitch in general. But even within them there are certain positions which require fucktards of the highest order to do justice to them. The Human Resource Development ministry is one of them. I mean when we had the last BJP government in power, we had a gentleman called Murli Manohar Joshi in this very position. Now MMJ is a very distinguished asshole, when he was not busy trying to slash the fees of the IIMs and promoting astrology as a "science" (ya, you got me right & did I mention extolling the apparent curative & medical properties of cow piss) - this bugger was trying to re-write the history books of young kids in school.

Good move bitch, I mean nobody even reads those books in the 1st place, so what the fuck! Let's have some fun right? Only a lot of people apparently had problems with this & a huge hue & cry was raised over this.

Then the shock defeat of NDA in the general elections in 2004, inspite of having made India shine over the deaths of hungry farmers in Andhra & Punjab. UPA comes to power, headed by the Congress. Good shit you thought. There you MMJ, bollocks to you man! We now have Arjun Singh, a man who looks learned... doesnt wear a tika on his head & is pretty satisfied at leaving them history books, cow piss & ol' saturn & gemini alone.

WHAM!!!

Suddenly, something so big happens that you just feel like barfing at your utter insignificance & helplessness at not being able to do anything about it!

Now there is a proposal to reserve seats for OBCs in all government funded institutions. The overall reservations taking Scheduled castes, scheduled tribes and the other backward classes would be at a whopping 49.5 % of all seats available!!

I mean seriously you might as well take a shotgun and shoot people in the crotch because they were born to plain, old regular parents! Here's an example of what is going to be happening....

This year I applied to Symbiosis Institute of Business Management (SIBM), a very reputed B-School. They had their own entrance exam and all. When the results came out, these were the cut-offs -

General - 97.5
SC/ST - 24

No offence meant here but 24? Are you shitting me? There has to be some sort of quality parity right? If you were blindfolded and ticked every answer (it's an MCQ test) - you'd still get more than that! I mean if there are no good SC/ST candidates below say 50 or so, then why take them in the first place? Chances are they'd make lousy managers in the 1st place.

However, coming back, the point of reservations... it was initially to bring these depressed classes up to a competitive levels. The raising of their standard of living was supposedly to be achieved through land reforms. Now the latter failed miserably in this country as a result the reservation thing just never went off. The reservations was not concieved to be there forever!! So endorsing more reservations the Government is basically saying - "hang on, we could not improve on the situation... instead we've suceeded in goofing up further. Here are a few more people who need reservations".

If indeed Arjun Singh was SO serious about doing something to help these depressed classes... here are some things he could/should have done -

1. Upgrade, expand and modernise the existing primary and secondary school infrastructure in rural areas. At present the whole system is absolutely good-for-nothing - no good teachers, no initiative & no nothing! I say this because my own first cousins live in a village in Punjab & have seen what crap is passed off in the name of education there.

2. Instead of reservations, encourage special coaching/orientation/focus sessions for the youth who come from economically and socially disadvantaged groups irrespective of caste/creed/religion & try to provide them with a decent competitive opportunity to succeed in the entrance exams. See this is the point I was trying to make earlier through the SIBM example... there has to be some kind of quality parity!

What's basically going to happen now is that if a poor kid or an orphan from a upper caste brahmin family wants a good career, he will have to fight it out with these yuppie kids - with all the facilities at hand - in an even smaller pool of available seats!

Dont get me wrong I honestly believe that people like you or me should not be selfish enough to stand in the way of any OBC or SC/ST kid if they can benefit from it. But I'll be darned if I'll walk away from the B-school of my dreams for someone whose father drives around in a Merc, but has an OBC/SC/ST certificate.

& that is exactly what is happening now! Not that the govenment isnt aware of this. But it wont ban the children of high level bureaucrats/politicians/doctors/engineers,etc who made it from the quotas! Why should these 2nd generation kids need reservations?

No such a move would not get fat old Arjun Singh here too many votes. Hmmm... so what a nice idea let's just increase the reservation quota. That way more bureaucrat friends can send their spolit, bratty kids to these institutions.

What about those poor OBC, SC/ST kids for whom the quotas were originally designed? Huh. Nevermind, they'll never make it that far anyways. Our skewed rural education scheme will ensure that.

Wicked job you bitch! If only once in a while these politicians were made to send their kids to regular colleges through the regular grind, instead of jet-setting off to US-colleges, they'd know better than to toy with student careers like this.

PS: This issue is something that we all should be thinking of seriously because it effects everything from JU to IIT. If anyone here on this blog wants to take some kind of radical action against this - a rally, signature campaign, protest forum or whatever... email me.

As of now, NDTV is doing some kind of protest thing on this... email them at feedback@ndtv.com and let them know of your opinions on this. I also thank "girl who sold the world", whose email got me thinking on this.

PPS: Also has been brought to my attention an online petition against the reservations. So far nearly 3000 people have signed it... and more are, even as you read this. Go on... sign it! :)

Gandhi Porn??//#

2006-04-05T23:28:00.000+05:30

So yesterday there I was sitting on my chair, minding my own business... downloading music & searching for porn. When suddenly something so shocking happened that I nearly fell off my chair. Here are some searches which Limewire returned...

"Hindu bitch fucked by white guy Gandhi Porn XXX pussy nice".

What the hell!! Ok, hang on... let me make something very clear at this point itself. If you are already smirking and thinking of some "the-old-bald-pervert-in-dhoti" kind of wisecrack... save your breath. This post is not about what some redneck idiot advertises his porn clip, of some mexican-looking-like-an-indian, as. It's exactly about people like you who smirk on hearing the same.

Oddly enough Gandhi-bashing is the single most popular passtime of this country's junta. Why?

1. It's fashionable. I mean what better way to show how cool you are than to slander a person who by himself was a unique phenomenon unparalleled in the entire history of man. He was bald... he wore a dhoti... surrounded himself with women... (out come jokes about his sexual abilities/limitations).

2. To show that you are a true intellectual, that you understand politics and you actually know the inside-story about what really went on during the partition/quit-india/bose-ouster/ *put a random event* based on that book you read...

3. Just out of sheer lack of imagination to think of a rational explanation for the country's partition/poverty/long freedom struggle.

I remember sitting in the Indian Political Thought class as we studied Gandhi's political thought - I was just stunned as an entire class of political science students behaved as if they had a personal bone to pick with the man. The fact that our teacher (otherwise a good man) was a hardcore bengali - sympathetic to Subhash Bose & Vietnam, did not help either.

The fact is apart from two or three in that class, nobody had ever read anything written by/on Gandhi save their histroy books back in school. Yet everyone behaves like a fucking expert.

Myth #1: He was a coward, he was scared of violence.
Reality: Gandhi was no coward. In fact he time & again stated that he would much rather prefer violence over cowardice. the way of the satyagrahi is one of tremendous moral strength and courage & not for lesser mortals. Do look up the ten points outlined by Gandhi for a Satyagrahi.

Myth #2: Gandhi was responsible for the partition because of the country because of his favouring Nehru!
Reality: Hah! Nothing could be further from the truth. 1945 onwards, Gandhi was an ignored man - a symbolic presence whose economic ideas of khadi & charkha were something of an embarrasment to Nehru.

Gandhi is largely responsible for female emancipation in India and the upliftment of the depressed classes, which aside from his contributions to the freedom struggle are tremendous social developments that we have inherited. He is also responsible for preventing communal violence and riots from destroying the two Bengals in 1947, something which a 50, 000-strong neutral Gurkha force could not ensure at the Punjab border. And to think... Bengal was considered to be the more communally sensitive of the two.

I just cannot simply stand people who "judge" his sheer greatness because they simply have never made an attempt to understand it's entirety in the first place. I do not have a problem with people (a very, very rare minority) who are actually well-read & have logical and rational reasons for not liking him. I can live with that. Freedom of thought right? Too bad of you are an idiot anyways!

Lastly, do I think whether Gandhi was indeed "mahatma"? Not in the least. He was painfully human... he made mistakes - ousting Bose, re-calling non-cooperation movement, his paranoid fear of machines, etc. But as a matter of fact, of all the men to have walked the earth... I do consider him to be one who walked amongst the tallest!

*Update: Well... My college mess has not sorted itself out. But it would be poetic in a skewed kind of way if I was to just keep remaining sad over all that. Life goes on... Thanks for all the wishes and concern :)

Movie taglines...

2006-04-01T22:29:00.000+05:30

... are something I've never been able to understand. I mean what's the point of adding a phrase or so as footer of sorts under the name of the movie. If your movie is bad, nobody is going to come & watch it just because you added a self-explaining tagline to go with it. Maybe you would have better luck if you added Payal Rohatgi & a couple of semi-nude scenes. I mean here is a lady who can sell her films without having the need of stupid, demeaning taglines. Think Tauba-Tauba, Mazaa-Mazaa, Mr 100%, Fun, Chetna, etc. But then again that's a different story altogether.

Sample a few:

Daag - The Fire... A trend-setter of sorts in Bollywood in terms of adding a tagline to make the lameass name of your movie sound cool. Observe already the fine standards of creativity on display. I mean everyone knows Daag (stain) and Fire go hand-in-hand. And for the few who've been unlucky enough to see the movie (I was)... you'd be left wondering where exactly was the stain & what fire was it exactly that the producer had in mind.

Waqt - Race against time... Loosely translated it reads: Time - Race against Time. huh. No more comments.

Resident Evil - Iam Alice & I remember everything... Good for you bitch! Nice to know Hollywood gets into the act too.

Lucky - No time for love... A tribute to the producer's favourite lines everytime the aishwarya look-alike heroine went into his van. The rest of the line went something like - "... time now for *****"

I could go on forever but I cannot, inspite of all the bullshit I've seen in the name of cinema, I cannot remember too many taglines. Thankfully.

Coming back to Payal Rohatgi. I think we should have Payal Rohatgi in every movie. That is the only way we can fight this trend of inserting stupid taglines to movie titles. I mean it's an open secret that Bollywood people are very superstitious about stuff which makes money. So if a thriller succeeds, everyone else will make thrillers... if a period movie works, everyone else jumps on the bandwagon... similarly if movies without taglines make money, everyone else will go for it too.

Payal Rohatgi has already shown the way... 12 films, countless wet-dreams & profit for the producers (and their low-budget investments).

Bah! Rang de Basanti - a generation awakens! Who needs you. Bring on Payal Rohatgi please...

Huh?!

2006-04-01T00:18:00.000+05:30

College-fest. Western rock finals. Bored. A female drummer? ... hmmm, interesting.

"Does anybody want beer" Silence.

"Does anybody want beer" Confused Silence.

"C'mon everybody you are JU (jadavpur university) not some... *pauses to think*... St. Mary College".
AH, I get it. An attempt by the vocalist to sound cool & to get the crowd behind the band. Me be Dumbass to think booze be around! Disappointed at stupidity of the self.

"Well you've already heard it today but we'll show you how The Wall is really done"

Show starts. Blown away. Didn't know (another brick in) The Wall was supposed to be done to sound like somebody scraping a steel plate with a fork.

Huh.

A frustrating Mind-bender!

2006-03-30T01:27:00.000+05:30

Requirement: To pass 18 honours papers and 8 Extra-Departmental (ED) courses, over six semester (and 3 years) to get your graduation degree on time.

Mark distribution:
Total 50 marks per paper.
10 marks for internal assessment
10 for mid-semester exams
30 marks for the final semester exams

To pass the course, you need 20/50.

The problem: In my 1st semester, I committed the cardinal sin of developing a brain disorder called Neurocysteroses and having unrelenting parents ("politcal science?? Really, are you sure you dont wanna join the business??). I missed almost the whole semester and all internal assessments.

So, while appearing for the final exams, I had to get 20/30 to pass the course. I did so in three papers. The fourth paper - An ED in Economics, I did not appear for it, because I did not think I could've got 20/30.

What about the 4th Paper?: Rules say, a back-paper can be cleared every alternate semester, i.e. back-paper in 1st sem can be cleared in 3rd and 5th sems.

My fault - Did not attempt to clear it in 3rd sem. Laziness... sheer laziness.

Meanwhile...
A new rule came up... if it is your last attempt to clear a back-paper, then just getting 12/30 is enough instead 20/30. Needless to say I was delighted. Appeared and secured 15/30. Scot-free? R u kidding me? This is Marxist-Bengal... not a fuckin chance!

Shock #1:

"You did not appear for the exam in the 1st sem, therefore this is your first attempt to clear the paper... hence the 12/30 rule doesnt apply to you"

This they tell me on the day I go to collect my marksheet, after having scouted every office from the Dean to Head-of-Department and all before exams. No one told me about this. Thank you so much!

So, I run to the Dean of Arts' office -

"Did you take the admit card?"

"Yes, sir"

"Is this subject on that card?"

"Yes, sir"

"Then it's not a problem... If a student has registered for an exam & not appeared for it physically, it is considered as an attempt. This is all a protocol error"

I was delighted... Scot-free? Ru kidding me again?? Hah, you dumb kid... we are the bureaucratic machinary of India - we've been paid & bred to make sure we rape the happiness of upstarts like you!

Today: Shock #2

"It was decided in 2005, that the admit-card registration would be enough to count as an exam-attempt. Your exam was held in 2004. Hence, you are not eligible again"

So, as it stands now... My degree is hung again and Iam too distracted to think or write anything straight...

Ain't this freaky?

2006-03-28T01:22:00.000+05:30

Courtesy Megha, some rampant template changes over the last week or so were seriously contemplated... Then given up & then done anyway! So go ahead, enjoy the new look.

If you've read the story ("Just before the war with eskimos" by JD Salinger), then the background is really something you can relate to. Decided to roll with it :)

Banks....

2006-03-25T00:11:00.000+05:30

... that I went today to make a simple draft, made me realise that the entire banking system of our countries is almost (why almost, I shall explain later) entirely made up of lousy assholes, who get paid for being exactly that... lousy assholes with customers. First up...

Reason for being lousy assholes: Blank statement... sorry we cannot process drafts today. This after making me fill out the form and wait in a queue for a whole 20 mins. Thank you very much!

Reason for being lousy assholes: Well, we at HDFC are too good to process draft transactions of people who are not customers here. Well... something on those lines.

Reason for being lousy assholes: Here goes... Scene rolling -

A rather pretty chic sitting behind a glass desk with a sign saying - "May I help you". Ahem... rather tempting.

Freaky-Chakra: "I want to make a draft"

Pretty chic: (twinkling her eyes) "Are you a customer here?"

FC: "Is that necessary?"

PC: "Sir, if you were then we could arrange for an account-transfer draft transaction which is better than your..." blah-blah goes on and on in bank-lingo which along with the Indus-Valley script and what this guy writes; are the three most incomprehensible linguistic mysteries known to man.

FC: "Plain english please?"

PC: "It would be far more convinient if you were an account-holder. Are you one sir?"

FC: "Er... no"

PC: (with a cold, hurt look) "sorry sir in that case we cannot process your draft"

FC: "What the..."

PC: (a very cold 'get lost you dumb idiot, you dont belong here' look)

Next up... a bank, so lousy and so dumb that they couldnt even think of a better name for themselves than a regular, bland - Central Bank of India. Huh? You got to be kidding me. No initials (ICICI, HSBC, HDFC) - you know the kinds that makes your bank name sound cool and meaningful? Apparently they've been around for 95 years and by the looks of it, they have not recruited since then either.

They were not lousy assholes to be fair (and hence the use of the word almost in the beginning). To be fair, they were just plain dumb or just plain stoned. Or perhaps both. One cannot be too sure.

Freaky-Chakra: (already tired after scouting 3 lousy banks) "Can I get a draft made to be payable in Ahmedabad - Iam not a customer here - and if that is a problem, tell me right now"

Old Bank Guy: (smiling in a grandfatherish way and making me feel all guilty for being snappy) "Yes you can get your draft done... and no, you dont need to be our customer"

FC: "Oh, good (sigh of relief). Thank you so much... this is the 4th bank I've visited today for this draft, can you believe it?"

OBG: (smiles & hands over form) "Here fill this out".

I fill it up, wait in a queue and come back to the same OBG to go ahead with the process...

FC: "Here sir..."

OBG: (smiles again) "It'll take a little time however".

FC: (suspiciously) "how much time?"

OBG: (guessed it right... smiling still) "That I cannot tell".

FC: "Huh?"

OBG: (God this is distracting... almost scary - is a toothpaste model?) "Actually the computer link is down, so I cannot process it now... I dont know how long it will take. May take another 3-4 hours!"

I drop-kicked him in the jaw and then delivered a stone-cold stunner on him. Then I grabbed the gaurd's gun and shot all the old people behind counters and some waiting in the queue too (just for good measure you know... so that they dont go & take places of the ones I killed).

Having performed this social service... I walked out humming "Comfortably Numb" and disappeared into the sunset!

By the way, I was going through the site of Central Bank (to see if they had mentioned my name on it after I wiped out an entire branch staff of theirs) - and guess what I found out. Their president-queen-mother goose whatever... is this female -

Her name is Miss H.A. Daru-wallah! Damn, should have known all along!

Post-script #1: I finally managed to get the draft done - several adventures later, mind you - from the Union Bank of India. The draft was for Nirma University, which as I discovered two hours ago... is now just 20 grands, down the ol' drain! Why you ask? ... ...

Post-script #2: Which brings me to a much happier, self-congratulatory second point - I just discovered I had made it to MICA and would not be going to Nirma after all!! In case you are wondering what on earth a MICA is? Well... it's the mecca of a B-School for anybody in this country wanting to make a career in advertising and related industries.

So yay!! :) (Iam off to party... hic!!)

Of ring-tailed lemurs

2006-03-23T20:38:00.000+05:30

"... This particular lemur is called a ring-tailed lemur. Nobody knows why it is called this, and generations of scientists have been baffled by it. One day a very wise person indeed will probably work it out why it is called a ring-tailed lemur. If this person is exceedingly wise, then he or she will only tell very close friends, in secret, because otherwise everybody will know it, and then nobody will realise how wise the first person to know it was..."

- The Salmon of Doubt (For children only)

by Douglas Adams

God, how I hate pseudo-intellectuals. Or how they leech off each other...

The funny thing is everyone will tell you they hate pseudo-intellectuals. Nobody will admit to be one. A good clue is when you start thinking or talking like a patronising idiot, to anyone who doesnt agree with your views on films, music... Lenin & Marx, etc.

Update: Thanks to everyone who responded to the last post... but because it was a tad too personal so Iam removing it fromthe blog. The problem was regarding the clearing of my graduation degree from my university. But it has been solved and hopefully no more hccups from the bureaucratic setup will derail my awaiting MBA education :)

But thanks again to everyone... wasnt expecting such a heart-warming reaction! *hugs everyone*

An arranged marriage saga...

2006-03-20T21:16:00.000+05:30

See there are better ways to spend a sunday afternoon than having to bathe, prepare tea and wear a plastic smile for people who you don't know (and thank god that such is the case). There I was, half-sleepy and slouching in my shorts on the comp when my father suddenly came in with a disapproving stare and asked me to "become presentable". I absolutely dread when he says this... because it usually means we'd be meeting people, who as rule Iam never become to fond of.

In this case, it was a rather robust sikh family... a robust sikh patriarch, a robust sardarni with her two robust children - a son and a daughter. The purpose of their visit was rather odd... atleast to me, because to my parents it was perfectly "understandable".

See the young robust sikh junior (25) was about to get married and the robust sikh family was going to check out the prospective bride. Now it is very embarrassing in Sikh circles to go see the prospective bride without a bevy of (ok atleast one) "family-friend". This "family-friend" person does a very important job... he "negotiates" the terms of marraige because obviously the groom's parents cannot do it.

Why? you ask... arre, they are the groom's parents na!

Anyways, since the robust sikh family did not find any "friends" to do become the "family-friend", they decided to hire... er, ask my folks to step in. Why? Because they are acquaintances and so what if they are not "sikhs" - at least they are panjabi (no, both are not same... very different). I do not know what is more embarrassing... going to see the prospective daughter-in-law without a "family-friend" or going there with someone who obviously will never invite you for family-dinners!

But nevermind, that's just my take.

The Plan - Basically first my mom, the robust sardarni and her robust daughter will go to "check" the prospective bride. You know the ladies-shadies of the house will go first, while the men will stay away! So, they went... and I had to play host and prepare tea for the groom-to-be and his father, as Dad kept chatting with them.

For my part, (they were showing - Jo Bole So Nihaal yesterday on TV)... I played the song "Iam a Jat, kar du tight tere nut" at full volume. (translation: Iam a Jat {sikh}, so I'll tighten the nuts of your head). But nobody got the clue... sigh!

Eventually - Mom came home, and the whole party socialised for a while. The robust sikh family went off. I was later informed that the marraige proposal did not materialise. Why I asked...

"because the girl is 5 feet 6 inches" replied mom.

"so?"

"so, they want a man who is atleast 5 feet 11"

Couple of things to be kept in mind...
A) This post is NOT a work of fiction.
B) The groom-to-be's height was about 5'9"
C) Both the "groom and bride" to be, were extremely well-educated. Both had completed matriculation; a feat that a huge percentage of our country's population cannot!
D) The picture of the happy matrimony is certainly not theirs!

Of suicide and related things...

2006-03-18T21:15:00.000+05:30

Well, I always knew I was going to do a post on this. And I always knew I was going to hesitant about doing it while I was at it. Iam not suicidal... let me make that clear from the beginning. I haven't felt that way for a very long time now, twenty months to be more precise! But this is not about that.

This is about the fact that I cannot stand people who say that the ones who commit suicide are "cowards". This is about all those arguments I've had with so many people, angel included, about the very same.

"You know he had a 3-year old daughter"... "What about her parents, they are over 60 you know"... "how can anybody be so stupid, it's just an exam you know"...

I cannot stand to hear comments like these. I cannot stand people who say stuff like this. Make no mistake, Iam not endorsing suicide. I do not think it is a solution to any of life's problems... I do not think that the idea of suicide is romantic or anything. Nor am I trying to demean the anguish and pain of the ones left behind.

All Iam asking for is peace for the one who's gone.

Sitting in your room, sipping your coffee and surfing your internet it is very easy to say judgemental shit. Fine. You've also been suicidal too. You had bad times too... & you too contemplated going the distance. But spare me the bullshit of how you did not fall prey to the "temptation"... of how you thought of your loved ones and decided it was too selfish of you to go ahead.

Good for you. Iam gald you are alive today and Iam glad we are having this argument here. But do not use your standards to judge anyone else's position. If someone has killed himself because his girlfriend dumped him... parents split or he failed in his exams... whatever you have no right to judge him.

Discourage anyone from taking a similar step. Be sensitive to people, be open to the ones left behind... but do not "judge" anyone's reasons. What may seem stupid to you, pointless and vague, was not viewed from the same lens by the person in question. And frankly it was not entirely his fault that such was the case.

Selfish, I hear? Well... of course. I couldn't agree with you more. It is the ultimate act of selfishness, and hence must be respected for the same. We fight to survive from our first birth... life is something we crave for from the very start.

Imagine someone who has felt something so bad, that he doesnt want life itself anymore. Try and remember the lowest point of your own suicidal moments (if you've had them)... don't really care na, who says what or who's left behind na?

"There can be no reason strong enough to justify a suicide" someone very close once told me...

Nobody's looking for justifying anything... they're looking for peace. So shut up and give them a moment of silence instead!

I learnt...

2006-03-18T14:33:00.000+05:30

... to play the opening riff of Wish you were here, & played it for angel over the telephone.

Some audiences are just priceless :)

Things I thought this post would be about...

2006-03-16T23:24:00.000+05:30

1. A time-table kind breakup of my day today. Gave it up because the most interesting thing that happened to me today was a Barista blue-berry muffin, which didn't have blue-berry paste thing inside. Hmm... come to think of it, good call I guess.

2. Thought about writing about my impending brush with my barber. Still debating whether I should get that crew-cut or just go plain-old fashioned bald. Didn't think anyone would be interested in that sort of thing... I mean after all this is a guy talking about hair!! C'mon really.

But want to know something cool? My barber wears a cowboy hat! No kidding

3. A tribute post. Kurt Cobain. No. Too tired to search for a decent pic of the guy now.

4. A tag. Oh shit... didnt I just do that! Crap

5. A random post... But what exactly do you write in a "random" post?

6. Bitch about the stupid, arrogant and bully of a moderator who just blocked a thread I started at a forum. It was perfectly legal and everything. But I already sent him a mail about it. Dont want to type something on similar lines.

7. Write about soccer. When in doubt, always go for soccer. Soccer is simple. Soccer is divine. Only a small problem... Chelsea are out of the Champions League and Iam still nursing the wounds.

8. Write about the time Hutch ripped me last month... wanted to write about it all along, but could not fit it in. Now I guess it's too old.

9. Ooh-ooh, I got it... I came 3rd in a college quiz yesterday!! No wait. Am not a nerd... sorry, hands off!!

10. I give up. How about a post on people giving up? No. Too lame.

So there, inspite of trying really hard to come up with something interesting for a post... Iam afraid, I've failed outright.

Iam sorry. Please excuse my blogger's block! *goes off in a corner to sulk*

50 questions...

2006-03-14T23:49:00.000+05:30

I've been tagged... so, here goes

Started- 00:04 AM

1. Were you named after anyone? Yes. Ravi Shastri Iam told.
2. Do you wish on stars? No. Never.
3. When did you last cry? About a month ago
4. Do you like your handwriting? Yes, very much.
5. What is your favourite meat? Favourite meat, me?? – Holy Cow!!
6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? Would you believe – a CD of Taal
7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Ya. Most definitely. Two-three years ago, absolutely not.
8.Are you a daredevil? I would like to think so.
9. How do you release anger? Screaming on Angel, punching the wall, holding my breath till I nearly pass out… mostly by sleeping it off
10. Where is your second home? Used to be JU at one point of time… Now, it’s more like the computer-chair I am sitting on.
11. Do you trust others easily? Not really.
12. What was your favourite toy as a child? G.I.Joes, man they kicked ass!!
13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
School/college – classes? What the…!!
14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I sure hope I do. Either that… or stupid PJs.
15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Not been to too many concerts… am in Kolkata, what do you expect??
16. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
A personality which reflects that the person is at ease with himself/herself. I cant really stand people with identity-issues!
17. Would you bungee jump? Hell – YA!!!
18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? never
19. What's your favourite ice cream? The choco-bar.
20. What are your favourite colours? Blue, white… bright green
21. What are your least favourite things?
Indian Idol & all such crap-fests, in fact anything on primetime in Indian television. And of course, Missed calls – seriously, what’s the deal with that?? Harry Potter fans who think they own the world… & well, people who love Karan Joahrish movies!!
22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
Jennifer Connelly.
The babe who anchors the IFL shows on Zee Sports.
23. Who do you miss most right now?
No one really.
24. What are you listening to right now? Wicked Game – Chriss Isack
25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Dark blue.
26. What is the weather like right now? A cool, humid night.
27. Last person you talked to on the phone? Angel.
28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The ass. I am sorry, call me a chauvinist… but I am crazy about the female ass. For me you maybe the hottest chic in town, but a flat butt just aint good enough!!
29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
Fellow-blogger, who visits my page with considerable regularity… what do u think? Of course I like her… more like obliged & grateful!!
30. How are you today?
Dirty, unshaven and funny pink (aftermath of holi) ... lazing around on the bed since I got up at noon. (yes, I know Iam disgusting!!)
31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Mazaa
32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
Beer. Hell Yeah!!!
33. Natural hair colour? Regular
34. Eye colour? Regular.
35. Wear contacts?
No. Never… you cant take me alive I tell you. Never!!
36. Siblings? A darling, hardly-ever-heard-of sister… married happily!
37. Favourite month? August!
38. Favourite food? Pizzas, Beef-steaks, Rajma-biryani, arhar dal & rice.
39. Favourite day of the year?
I don’t know… that’s a weird one.
40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
No, but more often than not have had my foot in my mouth as a result!
41. Scary movies or happy endings?
Neither. Practical endings in non-scary movies.
42. Summer or winter?
Neither. It’s monsoon.
43. Do you want your friends to write back?
Why wouldn’t I?
44. Who is most likely to respond?
Let's see... Aragorn, Piku (shristi lover), Teleute (hot babe)
45. What book/magazine are you reading?
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
Salmon of Doubt – Douglas Adams
Essentials of Hinduism – Swami Vivekananda
Work and its secrets – Swami Vivekananda
Jokhun choto chilam (when I was young) – Satyajit Ray
46. What's on your mouse pad?
Marvel Machine Tools Pvt Ltd … & pictures of drill-tap machines, moulding machines, brandsaw machines… etc etc. Did I mention I come from a family of cheap-skates & we make use of whatever free-stuff we can get our greasy paws on!!
47. What did you watch on TV last night?
Lord of the Rings – The twin towers
48. Favourite Smell?
Can I be crude here… please… please! *chickens out at the last moment* Unlit tobacco, the whiff of a lit match-stick, the Pizza-Hut smell on a hungry stomach, also new paper.
49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
No but I sincerely hope they’ve done so!!
50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
*Naughty-Naughty* No, but seriously… has to be a trek through the Keoladeo Bird Sanctuary(hope I spelt it right) in Bharatpur, Rajasthan.

Finished- 00:12 AM (though the editing the post took much longer)

And I tag...

A-List
Aragorn
Babelfish (if she does visit here)
Teleute (likewise)
Piku
SIN
srin
Trina
and Vincent... if he's not already tagged by Anna
and anyone else who wants to go ahead.

A job application...

2006-03-12T23:44:00.000+05:30

The Essay: Why I will send my daughter to a B-school but not my son

Reason #1: Average life-expectancy of women is greater than men. Thus, my daughter is likely to outlive my son - more value for money!

Reason #2: My son will be too busy on his way to train as tennis athlete in USA and become a millionaire by the time he is 23.

Reason #3: Owing to bad genes inherited from her father, my daughter will not be applicable to try out as a model/actress. Thus, the only other way of her making it big surely would be to bag a MBA degree from a reputed B-school

Reason #4: My wife being the radical feminist she is, won't let me send my son to a B-school. Her argument is we cannot afford to spend a fortune for a MBA on both our children. So, to make up for the gross injustice and centuries of denied opportunities to women... it would be only fair we go with our daughter. If only to symbolically make up for the injustices of patriarchy!

Reason #5: Iam just too scared of my wife! (read reason #4 again)

Reason #6: My son is a Liverpool fan.

Reason #7: My future son-in-law's grand plan for supporting my daughter is by banking on the clauses of my final will.

Reason #8: Chetan Bhagat became a published (and popular - the two necessarily do not go hand in hand) writer after a MBA. I feel a B-school education is just what my daughter needs to win the next Booker for India.

My son on the other hand cannot stop doodling unmentionable sketches on his writing pad.

Reason #9: Pagalgirl.com** - of course, males are second class-citizens not deserving a space of their own. If Pagalguy thinks this way... must be true. No use financing his B-school education then.

Reason #10: Mr Desai, my neighbour has promised me a handsome discount on a brand new taxi. Of course it's a known fact that lawyers and taxi-drivers rule the world. So being a concerned and caring father...

PS: They wanted a sample of my writing, had to mail a 300-350 word essay on the given topic. So this is what went in... hehe!! Great 1st impressions na!!

** Pagalguy.com, where I've applied for the job are planning a "forum" of some sort called Pagalgirl.com - where as you've guessed it... no guys are allowed!! :)

Flirting-shirting, Hai Rabba!!

2006-03-11T23:38:00.000+05:30

For a country which gave the world the Kamasutra & where population-control is a problem... we sure as hell suck at flirting! I mean seriously what is wrong with us Indians? Those smooth-talking, suave knock-you-off-your-feet Sean Connery kind of guys are never-ever found... and an even more scarce is the species of the classy and articulate, sassy and dressed to kill bombshells.

I mean nobody really expects a James Bond to bump into you everytime you go out for a party or just a night out at the local pub. But once in a while it sure as hell would be nice to meet (depending of course on your sex & your *ahem* preferences) a girl who doesnt use palmistry as a pretext for holding hands, and a guy who doesnt claim to have met you before.

Make no mistake, I've met some girls who are quite good at flirting casually. But they usually dont know what to do when this little game goes on for a while. It's like somehow as soon as the bar is raised a little, they become defensive and push you off.

Guys have of course entirely different problems. Rather than becoming defensive, they move in far too quickly... scaring off the already timid girl. All in all it makes for a nation of absolutely gawky flirters!

So, waht if we are bad-flirters naturally. We can always learn, right? Wrong.

Think of the "Mujhse dosti karoge"-types who come up & mouth "Do you want to make phrendsip (friendship) with me?" - complete of course with the vertical outstretched handshake as popularised by Hrithik Roshan in Kaho Na Pyar Hai. And then of course there are these more sweet than sugar girls, who chat online to find their dream-lover! Think... flirty chatting sessions & the background romantic song playing, as the girl tosses and tumbles in her bed while hugging a pillow!

Arghhh! Thank you Karan Johar and your army of cocksuckers for presenting such corny stereotypes as rolemodels for flirting to this already sorry country.

See, flirting is an art. You have to be a confident, articulate... and well one hell of a tease to be a good flirt. The word "tease" of course is something that is alien to us... unless of course you add an "eve" before it. Come to think of it... even then it's pretty unheard of - atleast in the common lexicon!

But I think there is such scarcity of people who can flirt well, simply because their true worth is not appreciated. A slut and a desperate-to-be-laid guy, will always find each other... doesnt really matter who says what. And since the forces of demand and supply (read scarcity and abundance respectively) are so thoroughly skewed in one direction... such things as decent flirting as a leadup to a great hook-up, are unheard of.

Ah, but for the misery of not having enough decent people to flirt with...

Disclaimer: Yes, Iam a natural flirt but I value fidelity more. So this post is not about me whining about not "getting to flirt"... but just an observation on people in our country in general :)

An Important Update:
Rewind back to my 6th march post for the Blanknoise project... I hereby officially apologise for my outrageous behaviour. Actually a certain Anonymous has let me know that I was trying to act like I was caught in a Bollywood movie and that the women in general enjoy being teased.

Of course, my eyes have been opened by these new revelations which had not previously occured to me. I mean of course I love shitting my pants while playing Shahrukh Khan & I had no business trying to speak up for a girl who was actually enjoying the whole experience, just to live my Bollywood dream.

But being the hypocrite Iam, I did not thank the person in question... rather spoke to him in a manner which he interpreted as "RUDE". But thinking that most readers of the blog would have missed his remarkable insights since the post is dead.... I thought it was my duty to let my readers in on such profound observations.

Do drop in if you have time to spare, and thank Anonymous here for putting conceited idiots like me in their place!

Why...

2006-03-09T23:42:00.001+05:30

... is it SO hard for women to understand men?? No, seriously. I know there is a sizeable female readership of this blog *ahem ahem* so maybe someone can shed some light on this.

No, this isn't going to be a oh-my-girlfriend-and-I-had-another-fight kind of post. Nor does it seek to be a Men are from Mars & Women are from Lala-land kinda shit either. So if you have theories on the latter please do not invoke my wrath (which as said earlier, is readily invokable these days). Oh & also, do not explain these on the basis of zodiac, vaasthu-thu, feng-shoes, african pagan beliefs, or any of such voodoo mumbo-jumboo.

Right. So now that it is out of the way, we can actually come back again to fundamental question that is "why"! For example, if I guy wants to stay up all night to watch a soccer match involving a team from Spain and another from England and in the process misses his class in the morning... why do girls get mad at that? I mean I know. I'll be rational... for most girls Spain & England are good countries, easy to spell & pronounce & full of hot men... so essentially no problems. But it is still beyond most to understand why someone fromIndia who's never actually watched an East Bengal-Mohan Bagan derby, could have interest in such a clash?

Understandable.

But we guys, we dont understand a lot of things about girls either. For example, why is it "necessary" to wear kajal everyday? Why for example girls are so fussy about their hair, why they choose such hideous colours for their nails and pray why in the Lord's name do they consider wearing spectacles "nerdy" inspite of having the shit fucked out of their eyes by their stupid contact lenses!

On such matters, we just clam up and shrug... look the other way and say to ourselves - "must be a girl thing". Or we just clam up & start fantasising about the comparative boob-sizes of *you fill the name of the female celebs according to ur tastes*. We dont ask silly questions on the lines of "What's so interesting? There is no Indian player involved."

Oh and another thing, when girls go on and on about how their day was down to the last, sad detail - in full details - why is it that they are never satisfied with the guy's performance while "listening" to them. You participate too much, then you are accused of not letting her speak... You dont participate at all & of course you are a pig.

"You'll never understand" - Pat. The bulletproof response when confronted with what is the ideal course of action in such a situation!

What I dont get is, most guys are just glad that we have someone to listen to our shit. We dont go on and on about "how they should be listening". With so many games & boobs in the world, it's hard to keep our concentration going you know!

Why can't girls ever get that??

PS: Any attempts to as much as even mention "Hum Tum" in the comments section will automatically earn the right to be regarded by good ol Freaky Chakra as having an IQ level below 10, in which case he shall volunteer to register (all costs borne) the person in to some reputable "special-home".

PS#2: No. This is not my fight with my girlfriend... but you are free to interpret it whichever way you choose to ;)

Crap...

2006-03-08T12:55:00.000+05:30

... looks like Iam having a serious anger-management problem of late. & trust me, it's not half as cool and fashionable as it sounds.

PS: In a seperate incident, Chelsea bowed out of the Champions League to Barcelona. Felt really heartbroken, not so much because they lost... I've seen them loose before. But because we met our match, outclassed and run over!

Angel's advice: dont take soccer so seriously, teams are bound to loose. Sometimes the simplest advice is the hardest one to comprehend.

Crap!

Blanknoise Project - Why there are no Superheroes!

2006-03-06T22:58:00.000+05:30

Have been reading up a lot on eve-teasing and related sexual crimes recently owing mainly to the Blanknoise project to create awareness about the issue. I think a "blogathon" on the issue is a great idea. But I decided to do something different with my spot on this blogathon.

I have read a lotta posts regarding experiences of eve-teasing & quite frankly some have been quite disconcerting. But suggestions like castration and the like aside, I wanted to consider why these offenders can be so brazen with their ways. Without falling into the trap of providing statistics, I refuse to believe that a majority of men are eve-teasers, even though most may think it's ok because "she asked for it".

I think the reason why they are so brazen is... the same reason why all criminals/fundamentalists/etc etc are so brazen - the silent majority will not as much as raise a finger to stop them unless they feel that their safety is not being compromised.

Two seperate incidents to make my point (both of which are NOT fiction by the way)

Incident #1:

This happened 3 years ago, when I was still in class XII. I was waiting on this bus stop (La Marts near Minto Park, Kolkata) for a bus home from school. There was also these two slightly shady looking characters who were singing the usual "ek ladki ko dekha to" songs directed to this young college-going female, not beyond her 1st year Iam sure.

Then perhaps taking courage from the apathy of the other people present (there were about 7-8 men), the comments became more personal. They started openly discussing about her boobs & what they wanted do to them. The girl tried to put a brave front by ignoring them altogether but the comments actually became more crude, to the point that a few people present actually started giggling. It was really bad & I actually felt embarrassed, so I spoke up.

Freaky Chakra: Eita ki oshobhotami korchen apnara? (What is this indecency?)

Eve-teaser#1: Beshi rongbaji dekhabi na... nijer kaaj kor (crudely translated - dont cross your line, & mind your own business)

FC: Rongbaji apnara dekhachen (You guys are crossing lines, not me)
ETs: Ki bolchis (what did u say?)

At this the two gentlemen walked upto me, shorter and frailer than them both & still in my school uniform. One of them shoved me, while the other caught my school tie & slapped me twice. Hard. The first made me see stars, the second left me dizzy. All the while they kept hurling the most dirty swear words ever designed by man, questioning everything from my family lineage to my mother & sister's modesty.

A crowd immediately gathered, like crowds always do. Nobody... said anything when they could've easily overpowered the two. Being a busy street, a cop soon came on the scene. He was one of those traffic constable guys. That I felt relieved to see him, would be a gross understatement. When he enquired what was going on... this is what the ETs told him - (translated into english for convinience)

"This kid here is looking for trouble (baawali korche)"

I protested trying to say that I was only trying to protect the girl being eve-teased pointing to the person questioned. She had been watching the whole scene with anxious concern so far. When the cop asked her... (believe it or not) this is what she said -

"I dont know anything. I was just waiting for the bus". No kidding bitch! Which part did you miss? Them plotting how to treat you worse than a common street whore, or me getting slapped & abused for trying to protest? Waiting for the bus - How convinient!

Amazingly, not one of the poeple in the crowd (there musta been about 20 poeple there) uttered a word, even though they all knew what had happened. The ETs started yelling and asked the cop to arrest me & shit. I was shit scared and started crying. Of course the cop knew what was going on & he wasnt gonna arrest me, but I was just plain hysteric.

Get a load of this... I had to actually APOLOGISE to those two, before being let-off with a "warning"!!!!!!

I was pretty badly shaken up after this, and it was atleast a few months after this that I came to peace with myself. I can sort of understand now why the girl did that, but even so I do not think I forgive her for doing so. And as for the others in the crowd, letting a school kid getting madhandled by a couple of goons... well, that is the reason why nobody ever stops from anyone from feeling up your daughters & sisters! That is the reason why there are no "superheroes"!!

Incident #2:

I felt that the 1st one was kind of depressing & negative, so I wanted to share another experience which ended on a more positive note

This happened fairly recently, after I had joined college. I was returning home in a bus one day. It was very crowded and there was this fairly young female standing near my seat. Just behind her stood a slightly tallish middle-aged man, evidently drunk and evidently falling a little too much her inspite of the crowded bus & its lurching movement. The girl gave him quite a number of intimidating, dirty looks and her share of "pich-pich" sounds, but this man was not fazed and kept on sort of dry humping her back every time the bus swerved a little.

I had had enough. I got up & offered my seat to the thankful female & positioned myself between the drunk & her. Instead of being discouraged he fell over me even more in an attempt to gain access to her. His drunk breath gave me further assurance, that in case of any trouble I could "handle" this person. Iam sure a lot of others felt the same because they too started giving him stares. Outnumbered, he sobered up for the moment.

When the girl got up to leave... he too made for the exit. Even though it was some 5-6 bus stops away from my home, I got down too so I could keep an eye on what happened. As soon as we got down, this guy moved forward and caught the girl by her hand. She raised an alarm. I got involved immediately as did a two others who had got down at the same stop.

Seeing that the ET was a) Drunk, and b) outnumbered... a few more people in the vicinity also joined in and soon there was a big crowd and it was open season for everyone. Blacken his face said someone, take him to the police said someone else.

But the girl in question just quickly dismissed the whole thing and hurriedly disappeared from the spot. Seeing that the victim was not interested in the ET, the crowd to let him off... & I was back where it all started.

What I could not understand why, inspite of having such a huge crowd backing her did that female not take the bastard to the police! Of course good girls from good families dont get involved in such a mess.

Overheard after the entire fracas:
"Basically they are all sluts, they enjoy all this... that is why they never do anything about it".

I couldnt help but wonder, if the guy was not drunk and alone, if I would've had the courage to be as upfront as I was. But what about these two females? They had been personally wronged. Why could they not speak up? Why could they not do something about it?

Why could they not do anything to be labelled as victims and not sluts?

Ways to Kill Karan Johar

2006-03-06T02:04:00.000+05:30

10. Throw him in a cauldron full of pirhanas
9. Electrocute his nipples
8. Conduct an experiment on field rats... how much of Karan Johar they can eat? As an extra incentive, just out of spite u can watch the rats die out of toxic poisoning from eating his flesh.
7. Give him a brain -transplant with a mountain goat & make him watch his own movies. (Mountain goats are supposedly smarter than him)
6. Does anyone remember reading a report in The Telegraph about how the lions at the Alipore Zoo were ill-fed?
5. Make him smell his own breath. Or better still lock him in a room without his deodrant. (He stinks so much)
4.Shoot Him
3. Failed your driving test again?
2. An experimental surgery to replace facial tissue with grape jelly... NO!! You gotta be kiddin me man! No way some intelligent, self-aware man can ever volunteer for that.
1. Impale him on a tall, well-oiled pole blunted enuf to ensure it doesnt pierce thru his asshole very fast. But wait... he'd enjoy that right?

PS: This is from my old blog. Megha sparked off the revival of this post by suggesting that the monster in question should be shot in a very tender place... hehe! So, here you are... cheers!

Sorry... Eggjactly - argghh!!

2006-03-05T09:27:00.000+05:30

It started innocently... and no one suspected that it would be such a bloody rage. Javed Jaferi, (dont know the spelling) - one of my underdog favourites of Bollywood started it. Normally Iam very happy when people like Javed, Arshad Warsi and all get acknowledged by the masses... I mean surely these people deserve it more than the horrors that are unleashed upon us in the name of Tushar Kapoor, Uday Chopra, Lara Dutta, etc.

But it is the classic example of a good thing gone bad due to over-indulgence. Iam talking about the annoying craze among the junta to constantly respond to "sorry" with an "egg-jactly" ala Javed in the hit 2005 movie - Salaam Namaste.

Now here are a few facts that Freaky-Chakra insists that people should consider before indulging in the very same -

Stop. It's not funny anymore. You should get the clue when every second person speaks like that.
It's supposed to be spontaneous. If you try and channel a conversation towards a "sorry", so you can interject... then it looks plain stupid.
You are not Javed Jaaferi... so chances are you will look stupid anyways.

And it's not just the "sorry-eggjactly" phenomenon. It's like suddenly it is fashionable to speak in crooked english - "Iam the walking to my home"... "My girlfriends is goings to gets angry withs me" & so on, you get the idea.

It's like so annoying, everytime a movie comes out with some "cleverly" designed phrase to get accepted as a part of daily lexicon - Lo & Behold! The masses just swallow it up! Like gullible little idiots... they just swallow it up.

Remember that monster Karan Johar? Good. Take for an example his last movie Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. Suddenly the phrase "Take a chill-pill" became like a rage, because the characters in the film kept repeating it like parrots in the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate diction. I mean you could almost see that hideous grin of that monster as he probably bragged at all the social get-togethers he visited that season - see, I introduced this term to India!!"

And just when you think it couldnt get any worse... Pizza Hut have adopted the lingo & the man behind the lingo (Javed) for an atrociously designed ad-campaign "Pizza Hut treats, you just cant beats!" & the same person was also appointed as a host for the filmfare awards where he could do the same routine again. I mean, don't people feel bored? Frustrated? Violent?

Uff, I feel the need to box someone real hard!!

PS #1: I havent seen Salaam Namaste, I have disowned my sister for having drugged and dragged me to Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham & my knowledge of the Filmfare awards comes only from the rushes I saw on TV.

PS #2: In a completely unrelated topic... there is a big awareness drive going on to sensitise people about the evils of eve-teasing and related sexual crimes against women. Contribute your opinions, comments, testimonies, etc as a part of the Blanknoise Project blogathon on 7th March, 06 on your Blog.

FRIENDS, the finale...

2006-03-02T20:18:00.000+05:30

Saw something today, which I did not really think would've made me sad. I had been following the last few episodes of FRIENDS on star world this past week. Yesterday was the last episode of the series which like me, so many others thw world over had made a part of their life.

Today... was the "post-taping" episode, where all the six come together for a final chat with Oprah at the Central Perk coffee house set. And inspite of myself I completely expected it to be a totally sappy show where everyone says nice things about everyone else and to some extent it was so.

Jennifer Aniston referring to "Ross and Rachel" as completely different people and being very gaurded about saying too much of the other half of the most famous televised couple ever. But inspite of myself I continued watching...

... and by the end, I felt really sad. Not the tear in eyes and lump in throat kind of sad... but the plain, old-fashioned sadness. There was never going to be another new season of FRIENDS!!

Hmmm.

I just wish they ahd been given a more elegant sendoff on Indian television. A lot of people did not even know of these final episodes on Star World, and not many followed it when they were airing it on Zee English. Anyways, tomorrow there is another episode (actually the entire last episode of one hour is being telecast over two days), where they tour their sets and the like.

The last time... somehow, it's always romantic and nostalgic to refer to finality and seek closure.

PS: The "final-bow" from the last episode - Not their best pic I would imagine... but certainly their last together as Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, Monica, Rachel and Joey.

Thanks guys, cya around...

10 better things to do than googling for Maria Sharapova

2006-03-01T01:04:00.000+05:30

10. Go desi: Try Sania instead!
9. Study for tomorrow's exam on Indian Foreign Policy (...##@!!!)
8. Get some sleep. (no wait... that aint better than Sharapova)
7. Remind yourself of the futility of the exercise... you'll never get to see her in three-dimensions
6. Write to your cousins!
5. Practise & finally learn to play "Every breath you take" on the guitar.
4. Change the CD in the tray... listening to the Nirvana playlist for the 6th straight time, is an assault on the ears
3. Think of better posts for your blog
2. Reminding yourself that the loo is three rooms away & any mess created shall have to duly explained the next day to a questioning mother and a suspicious maid.

Oh & now for the BIG one...

1. Googling for Maria Sharapova after inserting the words "free nude pics" in the search!

Tall, Dark & Handsome...

2006-02-27T20:24:00.000+05:30

... the last one is perfectly understandable. What dark actually stands for, is the point for some debate. Some maru gals I know assure me it means "dark-skin", while angel absolutely insists it stands for "dark-eyed" men. So even though I want to go with the latter... it's really not my call to pass opinions on something Iam not sure about.

BUT, what-the-fuck has "tall" got to do when some random babe is picturising an ideal guy? I mean nobody is saying go date midgets, but gravity-challenged individuals dont look good on you, especially if you are like 5 feet 2 inches!

It annoys me to no ends when I hear a girl gush "Tall" is a necessity! No kidding, are you like serious? The concept of TDH is probably a western one, where the average chic is like late 5 feets or something. Tall is a necessity there I guess. But out here... no shit man?

Ask a guy the same question, and the chances are he will say - "she should have great boobs", "...great ass", "should have nice eyes...", bla-bla. But that is my point. What does tall do? Nothing. You cant eat tall... you cant screw tall! & if girls mean "something" else... then might as well just say it na, "my guy should have a big, strong..."

Tall is stupid as a criteria... try "intelligent" if you have to!

PS: No Iam not a midget running around pouring my derision out on my blog because my girlfriend dumped for a guy who'd give Eiffel Tower a complex! At 5'8" I think I have been blessed with a 'decent' height & just for the record, my girlfriend has not gone anywhere either :)

It's bloody 4 AM...

2006-02-26T04:05:00.000+05:30

... and am not getting any fuckin' sleep! Damn, 'this' is distressing...

PS: Somehow having a very strong urge to start reading Catch-22. Dont know... cant explain, just a gut feeling that this time I'll love it. Damn! Wish I had it with me.

One for Jerome David

2006-02-24T23:09:00.000+05:30

"What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though."

: Holden Caulfied, The Catcher in the Rye

Well... you see there are writers, there are legends and there are Gods. Then of course, there is JD Salinger!! Here's a tribute to the man who's surpassed everyone else in my mind.

10 Reasons why ol' JD Salinger rocks!!

By birth a half-jew and irish-catholic! Talk about starting out different.
He was hailed as - "the worst English student in the history of the College", by one of his professors at Ursinus University, Pennsylvania
When not busy writing stories that wrenched your gut and soul... he packed his bags (and rifle) and went to off for combat-service with the 4th Infantry Division during WW-II.
Consequently, was hospitalised and suffered post-combat stress! A true manly disorder if there ever was one.
For writing - For Esme with Love & Squalor
His compilation - 9 stories. The best short-story collection ever written!! A complete mind-bending experience even on the zillionth read!!
Just as when ol' JD was being hailed as a cult icon and all that related bullshit - he decided, that he did not want any of it. He walked down one fine day to Cornish & has remained a recluse ever since - that is for the last 50 years now!
"A writer's feelings of anonymity-obscurity are the second most valuable property on loan to him" ... ... He never got his work published again (the last being in 1965).
He drinks his own pee, enslaved his wife & believes in advaita vedantism (sound familiar... try Hindutva bastards??) - according to his dumbass daughter. Obviously too shallow and air-headed to ever be taken seriously herself, she did what she could have done best as ol' JD's kid. She wrote about her father. OOH- how original!! The picture (posted here - btw, isnt he the most dashing person ever??) is very symbolic i guess!!
For never selling out!! He has never leased out movie rights for any of his works (not that i can see how anyone can ever film Catcher in the Rye). The one occasion when one of his works was used as an indirect "inspiration" for a film - he is said to have absolutely "detested" the end-product!!

PS... Freaky-Chakra Trivia #1 - The name of this blog (Just before the war with the Eskimos), is borrowed from a Salinger story of the same name!

Freaky-Chakra Trivia #2 - Much of the source of this post has been taken from Wikipedia. I for example, didnt know about pts no... 1,2 and 9,10.

Just skirt it

2006-02-23T21:21:00.000+05:30

Today was walking around the neighbourhood when I saw something which really made me very happy. There were these two girls walking in front of me, and one of them was wearing a skirt. Nothing very fancy, a normal short skirt... sweet and decent. And i found myself smiling.

Wait! Dont get me wrong, I was happy not because I got the chance to size up the contours of the exposed legs of the girl in question... but because of something entirely different.

I mean the only time you catch a normal, typical girl dressed in a short skirt is when she is in her school uniform or going for a formal function and suchlike. Very rarely is it used as a garment of daily, casual wear. The most common reason given for this is... that they just dont feel comfortable wearing skirts, especially with all these men salivating and sizing them up!

And that is something I find very wrong. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable about something as innocuous as their casual, daily dress. Iam sick and tired of the "ooh she's wearing a sleeveless... i bet she likes to be given good"-kinda attitude!! And Iam going to punch the next guy who tells me with a straight face that the girls deserve it and they should dress properly!

My God!! It's just a bloody skirt. I dont get what's so indecent about it, the average saree shows more skin!! I mean it's just so parochial to think like that... and what is really sad is that alotta guys who think like this are not your "busti lungeewallahs". They are educated, fine young men from well-to-do families! Bah!

Somehow, I have never been able to come up with a more articulate response to their bullshit than - "UP YOURS!!"... & I hope it sends the message across too!

PS: I hadnt walked 5 steps, when a couple of idiots sitting on the steps of an old house sized up the girl with a glare that'd give Murlidharan a complex and proceeded to share a very broad, hideous knowing smile!

That's the average Indian male for you: As a friend of mine put it "ejaculates in less than 10 secs on seeing a naked girl"... or in this case... ooh-ooh, i see a leg yaar, abbe dekh kaise chal rahi hai... oooh-aaah!! - Shit!!

In a crowded bus...

2006-02-23T00:42:00.000+05:30

...The quote of the day:

I love being a small child around you!!

Green Eyes

Honey you are a rock

Upon which I stand

And I come here to talk

I hope you understand

That green eyes

Yeah the spotlight shines upon you

And how could anybody deny you

I came here with a load

And it feels so much lighter

Now I met you

And honey you should know

That I could never go on without you

Green eyes...

Honey you are the sea

Upon which I float

And I came here to talk

I think you should know

That green eyes

You’re the one that I wanted to find

And anyone who tried to deny you

Must be out of their mind

Because I came here with a load

And it feels so much lighter

Since I met you

And honey you should know

That I could never go on without you

Green eyes

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Honey you are a rock

Upon which I stand

: Coldplay

Palmistry... really? wow, how original!!

2006-02-21T22:44:00.000+05:30

This happened yesterday when I was at this stupid coaching session for one of the management interviews Iam to be up for this week. I mean you know it is going to be a stupid session when there are only seven people attending it, and the most interesting person in the lot seems to be this guy with ruffled hair claiming *and i kid u not* that the preparations for CAT changed him a lot - now he can live beyond his AC room!!!

Needless to say he was a "maru", showing-off . I mean dont take me for being a communally-biased person, but as this fellow I met once put it so eloquently - "cant help it if all the choots belong to the same community!!" - BUT... but, that's a different story altogether.

Coming back - it so happened this group had two girls as well (one of them from St Xavs - eco or something). Girl #1... who we shall henceforth refer to Miss Sweaty Armpits (for obvious reasons) started flirting with good ol' Freaky Chakra (that says something about how bad the group was, now doesnt it!!). Hmmm. She proceeded in her enthusiasm to give me a free palm reading & the only thing she was willing to discuss was my love-life!

"how many relationships have you had?"..."you are serious with someone na!"... "you've had your heartbroken atleast once very badly!!".... HELLOOOO!!

I mean maybe I look really stupid in person or something because I cannot really expect anyone to expect that they can sell such generally-sweeping statements as palmistry, to anyone who is intelligent.

I mean, I can still respect people who believe in these firmly & have a sound understanding about the whole thing. But when teenagers and young adults start showing off their "palmistry" skills to socialise or flirt with someone... man, there is rarely ever a more sad sight! Oh wow, you know palmistry... you've unlocked the most innermost of my secrets. Iam so impressed, come here you... let me smother you with kisses!! But just when I thought I was gonna choke & die; the conversation got better...

Sweaty Armpits: Going by ur nature, you seem like a Aries to me? Right?
(ya sure, on the basis of a 35 min interaction - of which I spent 15 trying to think of interesting names to call you - and on the basis of the three worthless hours of your pathetic existence you spent reading a Linda Goodman at best or at worst a Bejan Daruwallah... you've ascertained which of the twelve most general classifications of personalities, I belong to. Good job dumbass!!)

Freaky-Chakra: No, not Aries.

SA: ummn, Cancer then...

FC: No

SA: (enthusiastic smile) Must be Sagi!!

FC: No, not that one either.

SA: I give up... which one do u belong to?

FC: I belong to the donkey!

SA: huh? The donkey?

FC: Yes otherwise why would I still be interested in wasting my breath on you?

some writers I just cant stand...

2006-02-20T22:15:00.000+05:30

JK Rowling
Rohinton Mistry
Salman Rushdie
JK Rowling (sorry... cant say this enough!!)
DH Lawrence
Chekov (ok, a bit harsh... let's just say, am not very fond of his style)
O Henry (harsh - a perenial fave i know, but i find his style very repetitive... sorry)
Arundhati Roy (for her self-explanatory book - God of small "....")

That's about it... cant really think of anymore. I dont read plays, so cannot really go there. And am not very comfortable dealing with verse... so no "head-on-the-block"s opinions there either!

On a more grim note...

2006-02-18T21:27:00.000+05:30

Any happiness or state of bliss, no matter how seemingly inclusive and complete, which comes from a source (people or pleasure) other than your own self... should NOT be take for granted.

Sooner or later, they all bite back in their anger.

And then you miss the walls, the empty spaces and the long, lonely walks you had begun to hate...

All in all, it's just another...

Of the divine Penis...

2006-02-18T15:45:00.001+05:30

... SHiva and some straight talk!!

PS: Oh & I just saw this... Wikipedia's featured article for today is - India!! Cool ne?

Olypub, God & the night of 12 pukes!!

2006-02-16T23:45:00.000+05:30

It is not a nice feeling to throw up 12 times in a night. Even further so when you have to scoop out semi-digested, little pieces of meat which have clogged the basin so that the pool of your vomit can go down the drain. Add to it the fact that your best friends are laughing their ass off, because you couldnt join them for a night out on account of ill-health. They still think the two beers you had in the evening with them have done this to you.

Throw in, for good measure, some blood along with pukes no 8, 11 and 12... and you have a very distressed Freaky Chakra, telling his equally distressed mother at 3:37 in the morning that he was sure that he was being punished by God for some crime...

(it's funny how people - when they go beyond reason, can resort to God... even though they may not be overtly fond of doing so otherwise). But then again, that's a completely different story altogether.

For now, I leave you with Freaky-Chakra's Lesson of the Day:

Never have two beef steaks at Olypub even if you have your best friend's dad paying for the treat... & even if you have two free (thunderbolt) beers to wash it down with.

Jalajoga & dejection...

2006-02-14T22:58:00.000+05:30

Did not make the SIBM (symbiosis insti of business management) final list. Was the first time in my life that I had failed to crack any kind of interview or similar personal evaluation processes... felt sick to the stomach!

Angel took me down to Jalajoga & I had a couple of my fave chocolate pastries... felt good about myself.

watch out ladies...

2006-02-14T22:50:00.000+05:30

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Valentine's Day... the hidden viewpoint!

2006-02-13T00:57:00.000+05:30

Ya, so wat's so special about the lousy 14th of lousy Feb? Some half-naked kid angel goes around trying to shoot arrows into people's butts so that smitten they run to the nearest gift-shop and purge their money on buying expensive and not-so-expensive mushy gifts for their "better-half"s, and in the process fuel a multi-million (or wait is it billion....) dollar industry catering to the task of making half-baked, supposedly cuddly stuffed-toys and shitty greeting cards made from the pulp of thousands of trees which have been chopped down to make these cheesy items for loosers who cannot even own up their feelings on their own and need special days, marketed and hyped by top-class marketing executive who have of course received their MBA degrees on subsidised education from the top B-schools burdening the already over-burdened tax liabilities of the comman man who now has no other alternative but to go into tax-evasion, which again is a crime and the Government with its new policies of awareness and advertisements, featuring little pesky brats preaching - "papa, honesty is the best policy", make it a burden on his conscience too!!

So now you have a situation where the average man has to spend money to buy his better half gifts (ya you assholes.... one more thing, another person who refers to their girlfriend or wife as their "Better-half" will get two punches in the nose from me... can u cut out being like Soham!! - O he's just this guy in my college who thinks its cool to call his girlfriend his better-half and to tuck in his t-shirts into his jeans... no, he hasnt been punched yet, but I might just drop-kick his jaw tomorrow, so keep waitin...). SHit, I lost my train of thought.... Damn u Soham!! Let's start again...

So now you have a situation where the average man has to spend money to buy valentine gifts and spend more of it as his pending tax liabilities and cannot even sleep decently at night after trying to make his ends meet by evading tax because his two-penny conscience wont let him rest... (the ones u grow after watching Aastha channel for 15 mins... unless u r me of course, cuz I only grow a desire to run a chainsaw through those seer types)

But coming back to the point, doesnt anyone else see the evil here in V-day?Doesnt anybody else feel for the plight of the average man? Anybody.... Anybody....

Drats!!

ps: This post is from an earlier blog, one of my first. The pic's new of course!! :)

5 reasons to not watch Rang de Basanti

2006-02-10T23:43:00.000+05:30

Everyone is talking about it & you feel you just have to watch Rang de (for the second time!!)... but really, take a minute off & think. There are really a lot of reasons why you should give Rang de a pass...

5) Cultural Degradation... (The firang babe has a tattoo on her back!)

What? You've seen it twice & you missed it? Well good for you that ol' Freaky Chakra is here to tell you about it. It flashes right in the beginning of the movie when the firang babe goes for the meeting in which her project is sacked. Just as she's about to sit down... there... just then... for a split-second, you can see it. (besides the point how i spotted it... being a grade-A perv helps), think how this would affect the youth of today!!

VHP, Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal & the other monkeys... are you taking note of this or have you guys sold your souls? Nobody wants to prevent the degradation of our precious Hindu moral fibre, everyone wants to smash the skulls of V-day lovers. (cant blame them tho, seems more fun!)

4) Visually Obscene

It has Soha Ali Khan... need I say more. With a nose that long... no wonder her boyfriend/fiancee decided to crash his jet rather than be with her. Just check out this still from Rang de & tell me honestly if she's scary or not??

3) Disillusionment

I mean what's the point in seeing a movie when you know it's lead actor will not even turn up to recieve the customary Best-Actor award, and the rest of the brilliant cast (excluding that Soha) will never be heard of again.

2) Soha will hail this as her 1st superhit. Really, do you want to be a part of something like that?

1) The Fraud Scene...

They dont air the "Horse scene". I mean everyone has been gushing that it's a brilliant movie and people have been falling over each other to be associated with it in some capacity or the other. Think about the poor Horse!! Duped!! It has been robbed of its due fame, specially since it carries Aamir Khan in most of the posters, tv promos & the CD covers.

PS: For more on the horse issue... watch Meneka Gandhi Vs Sharmila Tagore

What's the fuss about?

2006-02-08T23:33:00.000+05:30

Well, everyone by now knows about all the big hue & cry over the offensive mohammad cartoons. Here's a sample...

I dont quite know how justified the protests are. Or just how justified the cartoons were. But being a hardcore, tolerant liberal from the heart... i feel people really shouldnt take matters of faith & religion so seriously.

The rest of the cartoons can be seen here...

http://muhammadcartoons.com/

Freaky Chakra in Pune!!

2006-02-07T10:53:00.000+05:30

Well, the lack of activity here was basically because dear ol' Freaky Chakra was out of town in small, lil ol' Pune on call. Here are some of the moments which stood out for me...

scandalising Hindu-sorry-asses!!
(iam a Punjabi-Hindu, by the way... just mentioning this so it doesnt rub people off the "wrong" way)

On my way down to Pune, these middle-aged, tika-bearing smart-asses came aboard. Of course they didnt have reserved tickets and of course they were only going two stations (and promptly made themselves at home for the next 4-5 hours). Normally, my course of action is to cuss my dad's miserliness and sit with my lips zipped. But these guys broke the VHP-approved code of "tolerance", that is the acceptance of "minority" cricketers like Zaheer & Irfan. This one man kept dissing them, all the while... (believe me) reading the Hanuman-Chalisa.

One of them leaned towards me in a friendly fashion (like they always do before proceeding to gobble up half of your seating space)

Hindu-sorry-ass: "aapka naam kya hai?" (what's your name?)

Freaky-Chakra: Ayub Khan.

That discouraged the man from trying to be overtly friendly, obviously it is too much to expect these idiots did so because of me sharing my name with an erstwhile Pakistani dictator of the same name. But anyhow, they soon started whispering amongst themselves and all. Then came the saviour... my dinner for the night (served at 7, mind you!! - but that's another story!!)... fortunately I had ordered a chicken plate.

I proceeded to gorge that rather meatless piece of bony-mesh in the most unsavory and disgusting fashion. The look on their faces was almost worth the upset stomach the next day!! Needless to say they left soon enough & no they didnt come back with tridents and all.

Rang de Basanti : The porn connection

Now I know, Pune has a young crowd and everything. Young people, especially young males are known to get er, excited everytime something with breasts approaches them. But I would solely attribute the behaviour of a plush multiplex crowd at the Rang de Basanti show at E-square, to watching to many nude firangi babes on the net.

I mean why would everyone suddenly start whistling and salivating everytime that UK babe came on screen, even though she did not seem at any point to be interested in taking her top off...

The Apache Stud

For Pune regulars, they should get this one. It's a very cool, heavy-metal & all kinda pub on the Fergusan College road. The crowd was cool, the music was loud and the beer was cheap. Everything was fine, till this giant of a guy showed up... a close friend of a bitchy friend of this friend I had met in Pune thanks to this friend I had gone there with in the first place - confused na? Me too... still trying to figure this one out.

He proceeded to down three tequilla shots without the lime & salt - that's the pussy way of having it, he elucidated later. He also shared his enlightening view on Canada raves and "horns of the devil" sign everyone holds up at rock concerts (ostensibly it signifies... hold your breath - I love you!!) The fact that his overtly accented english betrayed his roots was kinda funny.

Anyhow me, my friend and his pune friend (doin this on purpose now!!)... escaped to the familiar confines of Barista. The good thing about Barista at Pune is it stays open till late midnight.

The bad thing... the muffins are smaller!! :(

IMS Learning Centre (A small observation by the way)... is located just on the floor above Apache. Way to train those budding MBA aspirationals na!! :) Wish Erudite in Kolkata was equally charitable!!

Iam a celebrity!!

2006-01-30T00:13:00.000+05:30

So there i was walking along theatre road, minding my own business... humming some random song, picking my nose... the usual, when suddenly this dark, fat guy comes and blocks my way.

Me: "huh"

Dark, Fat guy: "sir, can you please spare a few moments to speak to the camera... we're from Channer 7"

Me: "huh"

Dark, Fat guy: "dont worry it wont take much of your time... we just need some reactions from you"

Me: "what about?"

Dark, Fat guy: "you know about Irfan Pathan's hat-trick!".

Blow me now!! Irfan Pathan had a hat-trick! That too in the 1st over, i was informed!! Was I hearing this right? Irfan Pathan right?

Me: "huh"

So, there it was. My fifteen minutes of fame & glory... or more like 40 seconds of it. Anyhow i answered like those idiots do on tv all the time. Mumbled something about being proud and about saurav ganguly or something. The worst part was that I had to do it in Hindi... something inspite of my upbringing iam not very comfortable doing. (shame shame!!)

My folks, who are prone to getting really excited about stuff like this, sat for two straight hours watching Channel 7 to see their son on TV. Curiously however, it was not aired (at least not when my folks were watching) even though the dark, fat guy told me it would be done so in about half-an-hour.

I say it's a bloody conspiracy man. A new attempt to boost the viewership of the channel. See, it worked even.

Anyhow, India goofed up the test eventually to reassure the world that life,universe and everything was still going on as it was supposed to be. As much for the TV interview... i'll just let it be an SEP for now.

Beer and Sex

2006-01-28T23:54:00.000+05:30

Realised today that I can go four beers straight without flinching. Was honestly impressed with my own feat! Iam now officially what my "mero" friends back in school used to refer to as a "tanker"!!

Ah, enough of massaging my ego. Things were put rightly in perspective as Raunaq very bluntly put it -

"there are two things we Indians can never match Americans... their capacity for beer, and their stamina for sex..."

Sadly i nodded!

And among other things...

2006-01-26T23:18:00.000+05:30

"Happy birthday sir" I growled still looking into the mirror, as he walked past me while I was busy shaving myself.

"Thank you sir" he didnt stop either.

Incidentally, my father turns 56 today. Ma made gajar ka halwa and all, but that's about as close as we will ever get to celebrating something like this.

Went down for some Pizza in the evening, Angel got her first salary. She was pretty excited about it too. Brought a Biryani dinner for her whole family and everything.

Made me kind of wonder what I did with my first salary. Ummn... cant recall doing something for anyone. Felt really petty and selfish, so just came home and sulked. Oh and fought with Angel of course... but that I guess was a given...

Presently listening to: The Gnome by Pink Floyd.

Presently wondering: Lakshya vs DCH (they r showin Laksya on TV)

A Barista too far...

2006-01-25T23:53:00.000+05:30

Damn the Kolkata traffic, got held up at Park Circus for over 35 mins. Consequently, was 25 mins late for an exam. Being the magnanimous darling that he is, the prof decided to penalise me only "15 mins" instead of 25! Bloody great! Couldnt even finish 60% of my answer & was terribly depressed (had actually studied for this one).

So, wanted to go down to Barista to have those delicious Blueberry Muffins they have there, but Angel insisted on staying back at college. So I sat hungry, glum-faced, and silent and angry... while she shamelessly wolfed down chilli-chicken & ruti

Stupid traffic - bad exam - no blueberry muffin...

Life can be so bloody unfair at times!

Damn...

2006-01-22T19:59:00.000+05:30

... The internet is down at home! Crap, I've been stuck by the scourage of every blogger on the net. God, the last few days have been so frustrating!!

Isn't this just plain bloody annoying?

A day in the life...

2006-01-17T23:19:00.000+05:30

Event of the day:
Angel and I, on a whim today decided to chat the whole night away. Got her enough recharge to sustain the same & am currently waiting for her call. Am presently surprised at the levels of nervous excitement and thrill that have enveloped me now.

Maybe people in love should act crazy sometimes... it feels real good to feel the same rushes again!

Lesson of the day:
Re-visiting the past holds no therapeutic powers. Especially, if you have nothing to be sad or morose about.

Declaration of the day:
Tomorrow I'll be the "King of the World"!!

By the swings

2006-01-14T23:58:00.000+05:30

Today, had nothing to do in the evening so went down over to the club-math (CM) for a game of volleyball. Just my luck, nobody was playing. But the swings of the CM had been repaired. That was odd, because in about the three years that had passed since I had discovered the place along with the Baniya (my childhood friend).... this was the first time I saw the swings repaired.

I did not feel like going anywhere else, so I just sat on one of the swings and watched the CM as it stretched out in front of me. It was completely empty, and dark. It was one of those moments when you suddenly feel that life has just been standing still in some forgotten corners of the world, while you've been running crazy all over the place. One feels humbled at such moments, and so I just sat there at the CM in silence for about a half hour.

Then Baniya came by looking for me, because we were supposed to be meeting at the CM about that time. I watched him enter the park, but did not call out to him. I sat there silently by the swing, till he whipped out his mobile and placed me a call...

ps: we did play volleyball, a little later when some of the people came around. Won two matches. But that's another story.

Touche!

2006-01-12T22:18:00.000+05:30

Presently:

Is love merely a function of projecting one's desires and attitudes onto someone else in a manner which subscribes to their view of reality. Or is it about discovering oneself without the prejudices and limitations of insecurity imposed by the boundaries of isolationism.

It sounds infinitely more romantic to think the latter. However, the world has a weird way of moving in its circles... something people like Adam discover everyday. Oh well.

Among other things, today:

It's funny how soon some inconsequential success can transform yesterday's heretic into today's hero. Went to "Down the Lane" in Gariahat, and decided to settle for some cheese masala dosa. Normally Iam not a fan of south indian food, but even so when I say that the "masala" was unpalatable, it must be believed without prejudice. The saving grace however was this chutney that they served with the dosa. Angel kept insisting that it's called "Gunpowder chutney". No kidding then.

"What if someone sets it on fire when Iam eating it?" - my PJ of the day.

"Don't worry honey, I dont think it'd be enough to blow that blockhead off anyways" - Angel responds without looking up.

touche!

45 mins, 48 sec...

2006-01-12T01:26:00.000+05:30

... is how long one of my most depressing and morose conversations on the phone, lasted.

Hear ye... Hear ye

2006-01-12T00:37:00.000+05:30

A new beginning... even if it only means blowing out a lot of hot air (again)