Sunday, June 11, 2006

Rakhi Sawant: She's finally made it! Yippie!

Let me first start by saying that this is one of the hardest posts I've done in terms of the amount of time & labour I've wasted in trying to come up with good production details (read: pics) for my patient readers. I mean inspite of my best efforts to get a "decent" (read: where parts of the female anatomy & underwear are not suggestively revealed) picture of Rakhi Sawant to post here to honour the post that is dedicated to her daring exploits here in Bollywood. The results that I did get however could not have been put up here without coming across as a sleaze post. But dont worry. If you are a Rakhi Sawant fan and have raging hormones you shall not be disappointed. Perhaps you'd like to see this, or this or if you're still not short on time & bandwidth... this.

Note: Mind you these are links from 3 different sites, among the countless ones I tried. If anyone out there can give me the link to a decent Rakhi Sawant pic (for definition read above), I'd be more than happy to put it up. If for nothing else than for the sheer novelty value that it possesses!

Anyways, let us proceed now to the actual point of this post even though you'd be forgiven to think that it was the search of a decent Rakhi Sawant picture. No dear reader, I smile at your innocence. This post is about something far more profound. This post is about chronicling the rise of Rakhi Sawant and her heroic saga of finally making it to Freaky Chakra's blog in the form of a full-fledged post after a number of near misses!

The first time I 'noticed' her was in this remix video where she played a hot, spectacled secretary who has a thing for her boss & shakes her er... upper strategic anatomical assets to a rather good measure. Although technically I didn't have a blog back then, but you can take my word for it that if I did have one, I would've spent exactly 7 seconds (which is roughly about the amount of time I can focus my attention on any one thing) thinking - "Man, she's hot maybe I should write about her."

I mean she was not as revolting as the other female who acquired a national celebrity status by just brandishing her underwear. Gosh, it was like suddenly everyone in India woke up & said in an unanimous voice - "Wow! A thong! Oh jolly, let us quickly divide ourselves into two camps & start debating about whether exposing India to a whole new line of women's underwear is a good or a bad thing."

Nah, this female was not like that. She seemed to be hot. But I guess somewhere at the end of those 7 seconds I would've realised that the only reason I found her hot was because I have a stupid kink for those box-frame-bespectacled-intellctual-librarian types. And maybe this girl was just another airhead who could not even sprout proper english to save her life (which is not quite far from the truth though, as I later found out). So there you go Rakhi, sorry... you almost made it on your first attempt itself, but not quite!

The Second time, she came close again was when I read somehwere that she was -
a) starring in a movie called - "Hot Money" (no kidding! Talk about creative genius!)
b) it was to be directed/produced by her brother. (yes, you read it right!)
c) And... the USP of the film was that she was going to shake her upper strategic anatomical assets in a specially designed 'top' made from nothing else but 2000, Re 1 coins!

Wow! This had to be too good to be true. But the movie ran into trouble with the censor board (lousy idiots), and I thought that doing a post on the same would mean kind of resorting to "incest-induced-interest" in the blogosphere, one of the only remaining bastians of non-incestuous release for net-prowling Indians! So, pass!

The Third time, it was a report on a gossip column somewhere (yes, Iam sick & I read cheesy gossip columns for fun) that she stripped at some private party of some random powerful guy in Dubai or some other such Allah-land country. Damn this girl doesnt give up now, does she? Well Rakhi you've got to do better than that to be featured on Freaky's blog. Clue: try not to do what every other Bollywood starlet worth her bra-straps has been rumoured to do every sunday!

Then Angel brought to my notice a certain "dance-show" where she'd been hauled up for indecent exposure in public or some other such sissy-hypocritic-moral reason. So, trying to be fourth-time lucky, eh? Well not good enough even though she went on national television in a studio interview saying - "yeh sab to karna parta hai role ke liye...." (All this has to be done for roles). Casting-couch revelations are not as much fun anymore ever since Shakti Uncle's trip on viagra (damn, I missed it altogether!) and "item-girls" being pulled up for indecent exposure is an occupational hazard, not blogworthy material for Freaky's page. To be here... you need to do something extra special.

Think Kajol, Rakhi... Think Karan Johar... Think Arjun Singh and the suchlike! Man, I was just beginning to give up on this girl here. Then, bang! I saw the news today & smiled.

Rakhi Sawant had arrived! On her Fifth try...

I mean to attend Mika's birthday party is in itself a national humiliation from which a few have ever come out untainted. Mika (pronounced meek-a), for the ones who do not know him, has a claim to fame as being Daler-who-Mehndi's younger brother and be a namesake (of sorts) to a B-school of considerable repute of which Freaky will soon be a part of. Oh, and he also sings a few songs.

Anyway, back to Rakhi... she not only attended his party, she called him - "the sher of Punjab" (tiger of Punjab), threw her arms around him and gave him a peck on the cheek... all this on national television! Damn was this girl ever desperate or what? Well, poor Mika decided to check her mouth for bad-breath as he did not want reporters to run away after getting a whiff her stench as she was just starting to say nice things about him. I mean he was kinda enthusiastic to do so too since nobody ever says anything nice about him. I can understand his being keen to take precautions.

Anyways, his gesture of goodwill concerning her dental hygiene was not well appreciated and he was promptly charged with sexual abuse! DAMN! Imagine admitting sexual abuse from Mika! Oh the horror...

But Rakhi was not done yet. Leaving no stone unturned, she even had her "loving" brother endure a broken nose so that the blood-shood would give her extra mileage to be on Freaky's blog! God, having since endured her "tragic story" for 4 hours on the cutting-edge coverage of our great and responsible news-media channels... I finally decided to give her, her due spot!

So, here's to Rakhi... on her 1st entry on Freaky's blog, proving to the world for once and for all that you can do great things in life even if you have a shitty, hopeless name like rakhi to live with.

Pity I couldnt post her picture. My offer to do so as soon as someone provides me a link, still stands!