Friday, June 02, 2006

Honk... Honk... grrrrr... Honk!

Of all the annoying habits that have carefully been institutionalised in the people of this great country, the one that never ceases to bug the hell out of me is.... er, (read the title again)

Picture this, you and your girlfriend (or boyfriend or whatever) are walking down a peaceful lane, there's a soft drizzle going... a cool breeze flowing... and you feel the romantic rushes in your veins... you try & say something really mushy...

Freaky: You know what?
Angel: (snuggling closer on Freaky's hand & with a knowing mushy look) Tell me...
Freaky: You are the.... HONK!!!

What the!

Some guy was taking his car out of his garage and this other goof was honking the shit out of his car! I mean like what's the point. You have to wait till the person can get his car out and drive away. It's not that as soon as the other person hears your horn blaring, he will instantly reach down on his dashboard & press the red-button which makes his car vaporise till you can pass on by.

I can understand people honking before the days of FM radio. I mean you literally had nothing to do while waiting in the traffic jams. But now in addition to these radio stations, you also have the novel initiatives of the traffic departments which actually let you know how long you have to wait before the lights turn green.

You can also brush up your counting skills - 20...19...18... I mean dont get me wrong but it's a shrewd move to encourage literacy in a country where most people dont know how to count basic numbers! Maybe next they should put up ways to cure recurring inflammation in the conjugal nerve-centres in the co-axial vertebrae & then the next thing you know... wham! You dont need reservations in medical colleges to uplift the backward classes!

But I feel this habit of honking is much deeper than a simple reflexive action as a response to boredom & inactivity. See we Indians are tough SOBs. We love power & we love shoving it in the face of someone else. I mean from the nameless balding impotent clerk who never got decently laid in his life to the big politicos and other impotent guys who get laid all the time... everyone loves power. And what better way to show it off. I mean all you have to do is reach down and press the horn, suddenly everyone within a 30-yard radius know you exist on the planet. Good plan dipshit!

The problem is when everyone else in that 30-yard radius starts honking too, it not only takes away that sense of great individuality & power associated with it... it also creates a lot of noise! Cacophony which can upset a mushy couple out to enjoy a walk in the rain!