Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Essential Marwari Checklist

Rich? Obnoxious? Perpetually horny? A personality that has come to be accepted the world over as the standard definition for hypocrisy? Well, in that case you might just be a Marwari!

I don't really want to sound communal or biased or whatever, but as this guy I once met (he was the boyfriend of this slutty girl - yes, I know a lot of them!) put it so eloquently - "... Iam not communal or anything, but I just cant help it of all the choots belong to the same community." And that is exactly how I feel.

See, when I say Maaru... I dont really mean people of one particular community. With them I also throw in the numbers of the UPites, the Gujjus and the Jains. Being the politically correct asshole that Iam, I will also add at this point (to prevent from gettin lynched) that I have many friends from these very communities. People, I've grown up with... People, I've loved all my life... People, who are really beyond the stereotype... People, who I definitely hope will read this & know that I cant stand them !! :P

There gotch! Iam not going to mince words. Yes I have Maaru friends, some really close... but that doesnt mean that they arnt assholes! So, without further ado... the Essential Maaru Checklist!

# You have the latest Nokia phone with stereophonic sound and etc, etc... complete with the "Dhoom Machale, Dhoom Machale... Dhoom" ringtone, which goes off atleast 10 times during movie screenings or restaurant outings.

# You are 8 years old and your paunch looks like a bloated hippo's underbelly.

# You have spiked hair

# You give your phone number to every idiot with a dick, yet you've never been kissed, never had an actual date or boyfriend. (No, having a converstaion with a guy for 5 mins while pretending you are speaking to some Payal or Radhika from you class, does not count)

# You go to girl-school fetes (not fests) even though you passed out of 2 years ago, and what's more you've even got your hair spiked specially for the occassion.

# You've never heard of Pink Floyd.

# Your hang-out spots are Forum and other such glitzy malls, where you do nothing except just walking around in a group (not even window-shopping, mind you) and hope that someone will notice what a macho stud you are for having got that new brown streaks.

# Go to Pizza Hut and order Veggie Crunch (also, read: goin to KFC for a nice veg meal)

# You know all the names of the finalists of Indian Idol & Fame Gurukul and all other such crapfests.

# You think saas-bahu soaps are a passe, so now you watch Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin!

# You have paan-stained teeth before your 18th birthday.

# All the middle-aged women in your family have HUGE fat-asses!

... ... Well, I could go on forever. But chances are that if you've endured for so long, you'd probably have a good idea whether or not you are a Maaru. If you are not, good. Didn't think you would be (you'd be too busy otherwise downloading Hrithik Roshan's picture than botehr reading blogs).

But if you are one... well, take a clue stay away from me!