Monday, May 29, 2006

Die bitch die...

I hate her... I hate her... I hate her. She sucks. She cant act. She isn't articulate or sophsticated. She's sloppy and she's loud. And now, she's BACK!!

Seriously I thought they gave her the Filmfare awards for Best Actress after Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham because she had promised she'd never return to haunt Bollywood again. That was the year I was officially disillusioned from Bollywood, & stopped watching award ceremonies & suchlike (I was an absolute junkie before that). The only saving grace was that she was quitting Bollywood to settle-vettle and have a family-shamily. But all that is now history.

I'd gladly do Kareena Kapoor's pet dog's poo anyday of the week than go watch a Kajol movie. She cant act, has the same facial expressions in every film... same diction and same uh.... loud-punjabi-chic-i-dont-care-for-makeup-shit attitude!

That plain sucks. Dont know where to start with her... the shameless marketing of the shahrukh-kajol "the-last-time" gimmick for a crapfest of a movie & then even more shamelessly walking away with the Filmfare award; or the appearing on national television on buddy Karan Johar's mispelt Coffee show to ruin all his attempts at a dignified interview with her loud guffaws & oo-iam-so-above-hypocrisy-&-pretension-put-ons persona.

Yes bitch we get it. We get it you are not like other actresses (except maybe amisha, kareena, bipasha) who have a little something called "tact" which you dismiss as hypocrisy! We get it you are dumb and do not care for make-up. In fact the stories of how she gives makeup artists a pain in the ass are legendary & she'll proudly share it with you over a loud cup of tea, lassi-shassi & roti & chicken boti!

But am I missing the point? What's there to be proud of? Bitch you are working in a commercial masala movie where the most you have to do is look good. If you cant do the the one thing you are supposed to do - which incidentally you wont do yourself & have a Rs 150 per hour artist to do it for you, who by the way hasnt had anything to eat since morning (because you reached the set 4 hrs late idiot). And now the poor fellow has to put up with your tantrums about how you dont care about makeup & get pissed upon by the director/producer who'll scream their ass off claiming he was not doing his job effectively.

God! If I was the makeup man... I would have shoved the powder puff up her giant ass (dwarfed only by one Mandira Bedi) so she could fart talcum & foundation all her life!

PS: This post is a direct result of my mother's gentle query whether I would be kind enough to take her to watch Fanaa. Any statements therefore conveyed in this post which may have hurt/changed the way you thought about your on-screen goddess, is deeply regretted & blamed squarely upon my mother's shoulders.

Iam sorry Kajol-lovers, this post wasnt meant for idiots like you!

PS#2: A must-read for all your caffiene needs