Monday, February 27, 2006

Tall, Dark & Handsome...

... the last one is perfectly understandable. What dark actually stands for, is the point for some debate. Some maru gals I know assure me it means "dark-skin", while angel absolutely insists it stands for "dark-eyed" men. So even though I want to go with the latter... it's really not my call to pass opinions on something Iam not sure about.

BUT, what-the-fuck has "tall" got to do when some random babe is picturising an ideal guy? I mean nobody is saying go date midgets, but gravity-challenged individuals dont look good on you, especially if you are like 5 feet 2 inches!

It annoys me to no ends when I hear a girl gush "Tall" is a necessity! No kidding, are you like serious? The concept of TDH is probably a western one, where the average chic is like late 5 feets or something. Tall is a necessity there I guess. But out here... no shit man?

Ask a guy the same question, and the chances are he will say - "she should have great boobs", "...great ass", "should have nice eyes...", bla-bla. But that is my point. What does tall do? Nothing. You cant eat tall... you cant screw tall! & if girls mean "something" else... then might as well just say it na, "my guy should have a big, strong..."

Tall is stupid as a criteria... try "intelligent" if you have to!

PS: No Iam not a midget running around pouring my derision out on my blog because my girlfriend dumped for a guy who'd give Eiffel Tower a complex! At 5'8" I think I have been blessed with a 'decent' height & just for the record, my girlfriend has not gone anywhere either :)

Sunday, February 26, 2006

It's bloody 4 AM...

... and am not getting any fuckin' sleep! Damn, 'this' is distressing...

PS: Somehow having a very strong urge to start reading Catch-22. Dont know... cant explain, just a gut feeling that this time I'll love it. Damn! Wish I had it with me.

Friday, February 24, 2006

One for Jerome David

"What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though."

: Holden Caulfied, The Catcher in the Rye
*
Well... you see there are writers, there are legends and there are Gods. Then of course, there is JD Salinger!! Here's a tribute to the man who's surpassed everyone else in my mind.
10 Reasons why ol' JD Salinger rocks!!
  1. By birth a half-jew and irish-catholic! Talk about starting out different.
  2. He was hailed as - "the worst English student in the history of the College", by one of his professors at Ursinus University, Pennsylvania
  3. When not busy writing stories that wrenched your gut and soul... he packed his bags (and rifle) and went to off for combat-service with the 4th Infantry Division during WW-II.
  4. Consequently, was hospitalised and suffered post-combat stress! A true manly disorder if there ever was one.
  5. For writing - For Esme with Love & Squalor
  6. His compilation - 9 stories. The best short-story collection ever written!! A complete mind-bending experience even on the zillionth read!!
  7. Just as when ol' JD was being hailed as a cult icon and all that related bullshit - he decided, that he did not want any of it. He walked down one fine day to Cornish & has remained a recluse ever since - that is for the last 50 years now!
  8. "A writer's feelings of anonymity-obscurity are the second most valuable property on loan to him" ... ... He never got his work published again (the last being in 1965).
  9. He drinks his own pee, enslaved his wife & believes in advaita vedantism (sound familiar... try Hindutva bastards??) - according to his dumbass daughter. Obviously too shallow and air-headed to ever be taken seriously herself, she did what she could have done best as ol' JD's kid. She wrote about her father. OOH- how original!! The picture (posted here - btw, isnt he the most dashing person ever??) is very symbolic i guess!!
  10. For never selling out!! He has never leased out movie rights for any of his works (not that i can see how anyone can ever film Catcher in the Rye). The one occasion when one of his works was used as an indirect "inspiration" for a film - he is said to have absolutely "detested" the end-product!!

PS... Freaky-Chakra Trivia #1 - The name of this blog (Just before the war with the Eskimos), is borrowed from a Salinger story of the same name!

Freaky-Chakra Trivia #2 - Much of the source of this post has been taken from Wikipedia. I for example, didnt know about pts no... 1,2 and 9,10.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Just skirt it

Today was walking around the neighbourhood when I saw something which really made me very happy. There were these two girls walking in front of me, and one of them was wearing a skirt. Nothing very fancy, a normal short skirt... sweet and decent. And i found myself smiling.

Wait! Dont get me wrong, I was happy not because I got the chance to size up the contours of the exposed legs of the girl in question... but because of something entirely different.

I mean the only time you catch a normal, typical girl dressed in a short skirt is when she is in her school uniform or going for a formal function and suchlike. Very rarely is it used as a garment of daily, casual wear. The most common reason given for this is... that they just dont feel comfortable wearing skirts, especially with all these men salivating and sizing them up!

And that is something I find very wrong. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable about something as innocuous as their casual, daily dress. Iam sick and tired of the "ooh she's wearing a sleeveless... i bet she likes to be given good"-kinda attitude!! And Iam going to punch the next guy who tells me with a straight face that the girls deserve it and they should dress properly!

My God!! It's just a bloody skirt. I dont get what's so indecent about it, the average saree shows more skin!! I mean it's just so parochial to think like that... and what is really sad is that alotta guys who think like this are not your "busti lungeewallahs". They are educated, fine young men from well-to-do families! Bah!

Somehow, I have never been able to come up with a more articulate response to their bullshit than - "UP YOURS!!"... & I hope it sends the message across too!

*
PS: I hadnt walked 5 steps, when a couple of idiots sitting on the steps of an old house sized up the girl with a glare that'd give Murlidharan a complex and proceeded to share a very broad, hideous knowing smile!
That's the average Indian male for you: As a friend of mine put it "ejaculates in less than 10 secs on seeing a naked girl"... or in this case... ooh-ooh, i see a leg yaar, abbe dekh kaise chal rahi hai... oooh-aaah!! - Shit!!

In a crowded bus...

...The quote of the day:

I love being a small child around you!!

*
Green Eyes
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand
That green eyes
Yeah the spotlight shines upon you
And how could anybody deny you
I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes...
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know
That green eyes
You’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you
Must be out of their mind
Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Since I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes
Green eyes
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
: Coldplay

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Palmistry... really? wow, how original!!

This happened yesterday when I was at this stupid coaching session for one of the management interviews Iam to be up for this week. I mean you know it is going to be a stupid session when there are only seven people attending it, and the most interesting person in the lot seems to be this guy with ruffled hair claiming *and i kid u not* that the preparations for CAT changed him a lot - now he can live beyond his AC room!!!

Needless to say he was a "maru", showing-off . I mean dont take me for being a communally-biased person, but as this fellow I met once put it so eloquently - "cant help it if all the choots belong to the same community!!" - BUT... but, that's a different story altogether.

Coming back - it so happened this group had two girls as well (one of them from St Xavs - eco or something). Girl #1... who we shall henceforth refer to Miss Sweaty Armpits (for obvious reasons) started flirting with good ol' Freaky Chakra (that says something about how bad the group was, now doesnt it!!). Hmmm. She proceeded in her enthusiasm to give me a free palm reading & the only thing she was willing to discuss was my love-life!

"how many relationships have you had?"..."you are serious with someone na!"... "you've had your heartbroken atleast once very badly!!".... HELLOOOO!!

I mean maybe I look really stupid in person or something because I cannot really expect anyone to expect that they can sell such generally-sweeping statements as palmistry, to anyone who is intelligent.

I mean, I can still respect people who believe in these firmly & have a sound understanding about the whole thing. But when teenagers and young adults start showing off their "palmistry" skills to socialise or flirt with someone... man, there is rarely ever a more sad sight! Oh wow, you know palmistry... you've unlocked the most innermost of my secrets. Iam so impressed, come here you... let me smother you with kisses!! But just when I thought I was gonna choke & die; the conversation got better...

Sweaty Armpits: Going by ur nature, you seem like a Aries to me? Right?
(ya sure, on the basis of a 35 min interaction - of which I spent 15 trying to think of interesting names to call you - and on the basis of the three worthless hours of your pathetic existence you spent reading a Linda Goodman at best or at worst a Bejan Daruwallah... you've ascertained which of the twelve most general classifications of personalities, I belong to. Good job dumbass!!)

Freaky-Chakra: No, not Aries.

SA: ummn, Cancer then...

FC: No

SA: (enthusiastic smile) Must be Sagi!!

FC: No, not that one either.

SA: I give up... which one do u belong to?

FC: I belong to the donkey!

SA: huh? The donkey?

FC: Yes otherwise why would I still be interested in wasting my breath on you?

Monday, February 20, 2006

some writers I just cant stand...

  • JK Rowling
  • Rohinton Mistry
  • Salman Rushdie
  • JK Rowling (sorry... cant say this enough!!)
  • DH Lawrence
  • Chekov (ok, a bit harsh... let's just say, am not very fond of his style)
  • O Henry (harsh - a perenial fave i know, but i find his style very repetitive... sorry)
  • Arundhati Roy (for her self-explanatory book - God of small "....")

That's about it... cant really think of anymore. I dont read plays, so cannot really go there. And am not very comfortable dealing with verse... so no "head-on-the-block"s opinions there either!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

On a more grim note...

Any happiness or state of bliss, no matter how seemingly inclusive and complete, which comes from a source (people or pleasure) other than your own self... should NOT be take for granted.

Sooner or later, they all bite back in their anger.

And then you miss the walls, the empty spaces and the long, lonely walks you had begun to hate...
*
All in all, it's just another...

Of the divine Penis...

... SHiva and some straight talk!!

PS: Oh & I just saw this... Wikipedia's featured article for today is - India!! Cool ne?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Olypub, God & the night of 12 pukes!!

It is not a nice feeling to throw up 12 times in a night. Even further so when you have to scoop out semi-digested, little pieces of meat which have clogged the basin so that the pool of your vomit can go down the drain. Add to it the fact that your best friends are laughing their ass off, because you couldnt join them for a night out on account of ill-health. They still think the two beers you had in the evening with them have done this to you.

Throw in, for good measure, some blood along with pukes no 8, 11 and 12... and you have a very distressed Freaky Chakra, telling his equally distressed mother at 3:37 in the morning that he was sure that he was being punished by God for some crime...

(it's funny how people - when they go beyond reason, can resort to God... even though they may not be overtly fond of doing so otherwise). But then again, that's a completely different story altogether.
*
For now, I leave you with Freaky-Chakra's Lesson of the Day:
Never have two beef steaks at Olypub even if you have your best friend's dad paying for the treat... & even if you have two free (thunderbolt) beers to wash it down with.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Jalajoga & dejection...

Did not make the SIBM (symbiosis insti of business management) final list. Was the first time in my life that I had failed to crack any kind of interview or similar personal evaluation processes... felt sick to the stomach!

Angel took me down to Jalajoga & I had a couple of my fave chocolate pastries... felt good about myself.

watch out ladies...

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.
What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Monday, February 13, 2006

Valentine's Day... the hidden viewpoint!


Ya, so wat's so special about the lousy 14th of lousy Feb? Some half-naked kid angel goes around trying to shoot arrows into people's butts so that smitten they run to the nearest gift-shop and purge their money on buying expensive and not-so-expensive mushy gifts for their "better-half"s, and in the process fuel a multi-million (or wait is it billion....) dollar industry catering to the task of making half-baked, supposedly cuddly stuffed-toys and shitty greeting cards made from the pulp of thousands of trees which have been chopped down to make these cheesy items for loosers who cannot even own up their feelings on their own and need special days, marketed and hyped by top-class marketing executive who have of course received their MBA degrees on subsidised education from the top B-schools burdening the already over-burdened tax liabilities of the comman man who now has no other alternative but to go into tax-evasion, which again is a crime and the Government with its new policies of awareness and advertisements, featuring little pesky brats preaching - "papa, honesty is the best policy", make it a burden on his conscience too!!

So now you have a situation where the average man has to spend money to buy his better half gifts (ya you assholes.... one more thing, another person who refers to their girlfriend or wife as their "Better-half" will get two punches in the nose from me... can u cut out being like Soham!! - O he's just this guy in my college who thinks its cool to call his girlfriend his better-half and to tuck in his t-shirts into his jeans... no, he hasnt been punched yet, but I might just drop-kick his jaw tomorrow, so keep waitin...). SHit, I lost my train of thought.... Damn u Soham!! Let's start again...

So now you have a situation where the average man has to spend money to buy valentine gifts and spend more of it as his pending tax liabilities and cannot even sleep decently at night after trying to make his ends meet by evading tax because his two-penny conscience wont let him rest... (the ones u grow after watching Aastha channel for 15 mins... unless u r me of course, cuz I only grow a desire to run a chainsaw through those seer types)

But coming back to the point, doesnt anyone else see the evil here in V-day?Doesnt anybody else feel for the plight of the average man? Anybody.... Anybody....

Drats!!
*
ps: This post is from an earlier blog, one of my first. The pic's new of course!! :)

Friday, February 10, 2006

5 reasons to not watch Rang de Basanti

Everyone is talking about it & you feel you just have to watch Rang de (for the second time!!)... but really, take a minute off & think. There are really a lot of reasons why you should give Rang de a pass...

5) Cultural Degradation... (The firang babe has a tattoo on her back!)

What? You've seen it twice & you missed it? Well good for you that ol' Freaky Chakra is here to tell you about it. It flashes right in the beginning of the movie when the firang babe goes for the meeting in which her project is sacked. Just as she's about to sit down... there... just then... for a split-second, you can see it. (besides the point how i spotted it... being a grade-A perv helps), think how this would affect the youth of today!!

VHP, Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal & the other monkeys... are you taking note of this or have you guys sold your souls? Nobody wants to prevent the degradation of our precious Hindu moral fibre, everyone wants to smash the skulls of V-day lovers. (cant blame them tho, seems more fun!)

4) Visually Obscene

It has Soha Ali Khan... need I say more. With a nose that long... no wonder her boyfriend/fiancee decided to crash his jet rather than be with her. Just check out this still from Rang de & tell me honestly if she's scary or not??

3) Disillusionment

I mean what's the point in seeing a movie when you know it's lead actor will not even turn up to recieve the customary Best-Actor award, and the rest of the brilliant cast (excluding that Soha) will never be heard of again.

2) Soha will hail this as her 1st superhit. Really, do you want to be a part of something like that?

1) The Fraud Scene...



They dont air the "Horse scene". I mean everyone has been gushing that it's a brilliant movie and people have been falling over each other to be associated with it in some capacity or the other. Think about the poor Horse!! Duped!! It has been robbed of its due fame, specially since it carries Aamir Khan in most of the posters, tv promos & the CD covers.

*
PS: For more on the horse issue... watch Meneka Gandhi Vs Sharmila Tagore

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

What's the fuss about?

Well, everyone by now knows about all the big hue & cry over the offensive mohammad cartoons. Here's a sample...

I dont quite know how justified the protests are. Or just how justified the cartoons were. But being a hardcore, tolerant liberal from the heart... i feel people really shouldnt take matters of faith & religion so seriously.

The rest of the cartoons can be seen here...

http://muhammadcartoons.com/

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Freaky Chakra in Pune!!

Well, the lack of activity here was basically because dear ol' Freaky Chakra was out of town in small, lil ol' Pune on call. Here are some of the moments which stood out for me...

scandalising Hindu-sorry-asses!!
(iam a Punjabi-Hindu, by the way... just mentioning this so it doesnt rub people off the "wrong" way)

On my way down to Pune, these middle-aged, tika-bearing smart-asses came aboard. Of course they didnt have reserved tickets and of course they were only going two stations (and promptly made themselves at home for the next 4-5 hours). Normally, my course of action is to cuss my dad's miserliness and sit with my lips zipped. But these guys broke the VHP-approved code of "tolerance", that is the acceptance of "minority" cricketers like Zaheer & Irfan. This one man kept dissing them, all the while... (believe me) reading the Hanuman-Chalisa.

One of them leaned towards me in a friendly fashion (like they always do before proceeding to gobble up half of your seating space)

Hindu-sorry-ass: "aapka naam kya hai?" (what's your name?)

Freaky-Chakra: Ayub Khan.

That discouraged the man from trying to be overtly friendly, obviously it is too much to expect these idiots did so because of me sharing my name with an erstwhile Pakistani dictator of the same name. But anyhow, they soon started whispering amongst themselves and all. Then came the saviour... my dinner for the night (served at 7, mind you!! - but that's another story!!)... fortunately I had ordered a chicken plate.

I proceeded to gorge that rather meatless piece of bony-mesh in the most unsavory and disgusting fashion. The look on their faces was almost worth the upset stomach the next day!! Needless to say they left soon enough & no they didnt come back with tridents and all.

Rang de Basanti : The porn connection

Now I know, Pune has a young crowd and everything. Young people, especially young males are known to get er, excited everytime something with breasts approaches them. But I would solely attribute the behaviour of a plush multiplex crowd at the Rang de Basanti show at E-square, to watching to many nude firangi babes on the net.

I mean why would everyone suddenly start whistling and salivating everytime that UK babe came on screen, even though she did not seem at any point to be interested in taking her top off...

The Apache Stud

For Pune regulars, they should get this one. It's a very cool, heavy-metal & all kinda pub on the Fergusan College road. The crowd was cool, the music was loud and the beer was cheap. Everything was fine, till this giant of a guy showed up... a close friend of a bitchy friend of this friend I had met in Pune thanks to this friend I had gone there with in the first place - confused na? Me too... still trying to figure this one out.

He proceeded to down three tequilla shots without the lime & salt - that's the pussy way of having it, he elucidated later. He also shared his enlightening view on Canada raves and "horns of the devil" sign everyone holds up at rock concerts (ostensibly it signifies... hold your breath - I love you!!) The fact that his overtly accented english betrayed his roots was kinda funny.

Anyhow me, my friend and his pune friend (doin this on purpose now!!)... escaped to the familiar confines of Barista. The good thing about Barista at Pune is it stays open till late midnight.

The bad thing... the muffins are smaller!! :(

IMS Learning Centre (A small observation by the way)... is located just on the floor above Apache. Way to train those budding MBA aspirationals na!! :) Wish Erudite in Kolkata was equally charitable!!